Rhythmic Rain...

Something.

2009-11-11T08:00:00.000-08:00

There was something about the night sky.

It’s weird how big the sky looked. I mean, the sky is the sky. It’s the same size everywhere. But it looked bigger.

We talked about random things as we stared. The day. The year. How I felt colder than she did. We discussed if I wanted another sheet or not. I said no. She got one anyway, and I thanked her.

We talked and we laughed. I saw things in the air that weren’t really there. She laughed AT me for that.

We wished we could see stars in the city.

I felt like I was thinking slower. Thinking fewer things than I usually do.

I fell asleep first, and she woke me. The rain will be an unpleasant way to be woken up, she said. I agreed, but didn’t want to move.

I could have sat there, under the endless gray-blue, with two pillows and a friend, all night.

There was just something. Something about the night sky.

A Drop In The Ocean

2009-05-21T06:45:00.000-07:00

She hadn’t changed. At least she didn’t think she had. She looked at herself in the mirror and thought Why do I feel fatter? I still fit into the same clothes… Her skin looked darker, the blemishes more obvious. She wondered if she ought to have noticed her collar bones and whether they were as they should be. She undid her hair and ran her fingers through it, changing the parting; to see if that made a difference. Did she stand out as beautiful? Or ugly? Did she stand out at all?

She heard words she didn’t understand all around her. It was a strange kind of incomprehension. It was a language she understood, but one she couldn’t always translate into meaning. Many questions unanswered, she nodded through so many conversations, it seemed. She mused over how insignificant those pieces of paper had turned out to be – after she carefully and proudly filed them away.

Her world seemed smaller than it used to somehow. In the midst of a sea of differently coloured faces, hers seemed less spectacular. The world was so large, experiences of people like her so many in number, that she had watched, mesmerised, as her life changed from being stand-alone; the only one she knew; to merely another…example.

She isn’t special. She’s ordinary. And so are most people. And like them, she fights mediocrity, futile a fight though it may be.

Random Things That Make Me Happy

2009-04-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

Inspired by a new friend who hasn't been around for as long as it seems. Written while my studying lay undone. It's hot and it's late. Perhaps that's why.

Nutella.
My laptop, my rocking chair and my quilt.
Movies with my mom and cheese popcorn.
Dinners with my dad.
My personal trainer.
IM’s that wake me up at odd hours.
A puppy that chewed just a little too hard on my toe.
Deepa. And everything about her.
Girls on the PU drive in bright yellow peep toes.
Packing for holidays.
Shopping for holidays.
Holidays!
Camo.
Bijayini Didi
Sarcasm that I just don’t get.
Stripper shoes.
French manicures that make people stiller than I’ve ever seen them.
Pigs, Woody and Him.
The stuffed Chandra and Derek.
The real Chandra and Derek.
Padma ma'am, MOT, VBT, Coordination and Stereo
Praise.
Lawrence, Pankhaj and George.
My twin.
Quirks in my family.
Uniforms.
Random relatives who love me JLT.
Pulling legs.
A book that I remember parts of at strange times.
Orissa and Aja.
SMS and Non-Forwarded email.
Letters and webcams.
Randomness and D-O-R-Ks.
Losing to someone who was simply brilliant
Conversations during long walks that last till 4 am.
Coke, Eskimos with whipped cream, Chicken Tikka Sandwiches and Icecream – not necessarily together.
Jazz A Capella
Malteasers.
People who bring me Malteasers.
Bub.
The fact that my grandmother thinks I am perfect.
Symmetry.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
Being a science nerd.
Confusing people by telling them how things REALLY work.
Realising that there are a LOT of people who love me.
Lists like these.
Love, June 10th and September 28th.
Unintentional romance.
Being a “pool of me” or “muddy and cold”
…and getting away with it.

Dreams On A Cheque

2009-04-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

Maybe it was the weather; the fact that it was a little cloudy… dark clouds teased us with the threat of rain. Maybe the looming end of yet ANOTHER semester makes one muse about the future. Then again, maybe it wasn’t half as romantic as that, and we started talking about our dreams and plans for the future simply because Aruna’s zoology class is downright boring.

My mind was wandering already, the way it usually does – jumping quickly from one random thought to another, when I got a note from Chetana, who sat behind me. The note seemed to be in an old cheque from ICICI of Roshni’s - undoubtedly one she had forgotten to cash…or one she simply could not use thanks to some circumstance only Roshni could get stuck in.

“So what up yo! Ok…imagine yourself when you are 25. Where do you see yourself? Give a description right down to what you’re wearing, and what’s on your mind. =) ”!

My first instinct was to laugh. Only Chet could come up with that in the middle of a class on vertebrate respiration and really expect and answer. In turned to pass her a bemused smile, and got a toothy grin in response. “Alright…” I thought. “Where do I see myself in 6 years…?”

Ever tried answering that question? Answering it is crazy hard! Every response created a Polaroid image…a single snapshot – speaking a thousand words on what we want our futures to look like. I was amazed at the ambition and diversity I found in one section of one class… Environmental lawyers and managers, science communicators, films in the making, wildlife photographers, social activists, resorts, time capsules, wedding bells, leeches and khaki – all from 6 girls in the last two rows of a single zoology class.

Everyone secretly wants to save the world. One wants to save the dolphins, another wants to fight for human rights. We all want to save the Earth from global warming or find alternatives to fossil fuels…or merely tell the world the stories of those who can. We also know that a single person can’t change the world…but that isn’t about to stop us from trying. From dreaming.

Proud of my friends, I secretly wondered what it would be like, six years from now…to meet them all again. Perhaps on Roshni’s boat, talking about out lives over glasses of champagne. Who knows? For now…this is the stuff that keeps us going; the stuff our dreams are made of.

Distracted By An Equal Music

2008-04-24T10:37:00.000-07:00

It’s a large store. The walls are brightly coloured in red and yellow, forcing a cheerfulness on the room. The salesmen wear similar colours and walk around, looking uncomfortably happy – to make up for incompetence, I tell myself. The huge first floor has books and music on one side and stationary on the other side. This isn’t a book store, I think to myself. There is an annoying quality in the atmosphere here. Perhaps it has something to do with the disturbingly bright colours everywhere. I also can’t help but think that there is something fundamentally wrong with playing music that loud in a bookstore. I walk on anyway.

I pick up a book here and there even though it’s not the one I am looking for. I love the feel of a new book. Maybe it’s something about the smell of paper. My hands run over exotic parts of the world – Arabia, Nazi Germany and an unnamed part of an unidentified ocean – before I find the book I’m looking for. Unable to wait, I sit down and start to read. In seconds, I’m lost. A song I don’t recognise anyway fades away and I feel like it is me walking through that park in London as Michael Holmes.

The song playing in the store changes. This time, it is one I recognise and it pulls me out of my book. Frustrated by my own inability to concentrate, I try to read on, but can’t. Irritated, I give in. There is something fundamentally wrong with playing music this loud in a bookstore, I repeat to myself. But I close my book, tap my feet to the familiar song, and hum all the way home.

Thoo Die!

2007-11-28T09:19:00.000-08:00

One of the things I seem to have inherited from my mom is my obsession with movies. Not to say that I am half as well versed as a film student or anything, but I’m getting there! My mother and I can carry on long conversations filled with quotes of popular Hindi and English movies. As a matter of fact, we do it quite often and drive everyone else around us pretty much insane. It’s really, really fun!

I just got back from watching a movie that I absolutely LOVED – for the third time. I am fully aware that there are all these so called ‘intellectuals’ out there who thought the movie was frivolous and stupid. But you know what? I honestly believe that one needs a different kind of intelligence to appreciate Om Shanti Om.

Every possible Hindi-film cliché has been spoofed - right from the 'nahiiiiiiiii' from the 'Ma ka Dil' to the over exaggerated hamming scenes. Even existing Bollywood stars have spoofed themselves right from dance steps to infamous lines and traits. But it’s not just the quirky humour. One has to be really obsessed with Bollywood to recognise a young Sooraj R. Barjatya and Govinda…or the similarity of the ending with the older Hindi films, Kaarz and Madhumati. The humour was sometimes loud and obnoxious – like the drunken scenes with SRK and Shreyus Talpade – while at other times the humour was less obvious – like the fact that the director, Farah Khan, slickly named the villain Shiamak (as in, Davar). Call me immature, but I LOVED the south Indian movie shoot. I thought it was pure genius, and I drove my friends all nuts calling them ‘rascala’s for days after watching the movie for the first time!

The movie actually also had a subtle undertone of seriousness…commenting on the not-so-nice underbelly of Bollywood. I liked how it came up that Om Kapoor would be the star, but not the Om Anythingelse.

Om Shanti Om was a movie-freak's dream. The only person I know who possibly enjoyed it more than I did was my mom...but hey, I'm not the one who teaches film, and she has 30 years of movie watching more than me! Oh. And for all you stuck up ‘intelligent’ people out there…I only have one thing to say to you lot.

THOO DIE!

Moving On...

2007-10-08T09:11:00.000-07:00

When something amazing happens in my life, I find it hard to forget about it once it’s over. The last few months, I have been living with the hangover of wining Global Challenge and going to UVM. I have talked to people incessantly about it, written about it, kept in touch with people I know I will probably never see again, not to mention thought about how wonderful it all was over and over and over...

Winning that scholarship and going on that trip will always be one of the highpoints in my life. But a few days ago I woke up and realised that I had my head in the clouds with the idea of something glamorous and exciting, while my reality passed me by.

I’ve reached a point where harping on that phase doesn’t make sense any more. It isn’t even the most recent wonderful thing to happen to me, and three months later, I’m the only one still excited by the experience. I was aimlessly looking through my computer when I realised how little I have done since then!

My laptop is now over three months old. I don’t have a single picture of Nrityagram on it... My blog hasn’t been updated since the 18th of August... I haven’t written a letter or a long email for TOO long... and I’ve lost touch with way too many of my friends.

I suppose it hasn’t been so long that I can’t now catch up with my life and carry on, with my feet – and ego – firmly on the ground. So I’m locking all those memories up tight in a little box, putting it away, and returning to reality. About time. All I can say is this: I’m glad that I look around to find my family, friends and life... more or less where I left them.

"Equality"?

2007-08-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

With Independence Day around the corner, we were surrounded by images if ‘India Shining’. Television, the newspaper, and programmes at college and at home celebrated India’s diversity, culture, progress, wealth and energy. I felt proud and privileged to be a citizen of THE country to be in right now – the centre of scientific and economic progress, in the running to be the world’s next super power. I felt proud to be Indian…until one scene made me wonder…

The Oberoi is my dad’s favourite place to eat in Bangalore. It being fancy five-star hotel, I consider us lucky to be able to eat there whenever we please. We had dinner there a few days before Independence Day. It really had been a lovely evening – brilliant food, to be eaten in air-conditioned comfort. On our way out, we passed a young girl standing outside the Chinese restaurant, with a baby in a pram. She wore a shabby maroon sari, with the end of her pallu tucked into her waist. Her hair was tied tightly in a braid – in start contrast to the blow-dried curls of the women she watched through the window. She watched the sleeping baby and I found myself wondering if she really was all that old herself.

A few days later, we celebrated independence. We celebrated our progress, our economic growth, our freedom of religion and expression… I celebrated my privilege of doing what I please, my supposed ‘equality’ with anybody else. But as I did, I couldn’t get out of my mind the face of that girl – not much older than me – and her silent plea for the ‘equality’ I was born into by accident.

The Global Challenge!

2007-07-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

I gazed out of the window on my flight home with mixed feelings. It would be nice to see mom and fatty again… really great to be in my own bathroom – not to be shared with ten other girls - and my own bed. I was looking forward to telling friends and family about the Vermont experience! But a part of me didn’t want it all to end!

In the seven odd days I spent in Burlington, at the UVM campus, I packed in so many things I had never done before!
I got to experience life in a dorm…
I had the nicest roommate I could have asked for…
I became aware of biomass as a real and feasible energy source and have now become paranoid about energy conservation…
I got thrown in the lake and made a friend in the process…
I made friends from all over the world…
I saw a rainbow that was a perfect semi circle…
I learnt about electricity from a man wearing a rainbow coloured lab coat and a headband with coloured lights all around, in a way that involved blowing up a pickle and watching people’s hair stand on end…
I was part of the first group of teenagers to ever pelletise grass…
And I said so in front of the Governonr, the Senator and the US Ambassador to Switzerland!

It was an experience I will never get sick of talking about. And it’s an opportunity for anyone between the ages of 14 and 18! It gave me the desire to do something proactive about scientific issues that I care about, and has given me a platform to do it on! Anyone else interested? www.globalchallengeaward.org
Sign up for this year’s competition!! If I can win, you can!

Driven Up The Conventional Wall

2007-06-14T10:44:00.000-07:00

This is techincally a made up dialogue - a result of combining real conversations with two or three of my aquaintences. And just so you know, if I EVER - by some cosmic disaster - begin to talk like this, you have my full permission to thwap me on the head with a dictionary.

X – Meghna! Dah-ling! How are you…it's been too too long! Let me give you a hug!
Me (after the air above each cheek has been kissed) – Hey... yes it has been! Been busy with college plans that's all. What are yours by the way?
X – Oh I decided not to go to college. I realised that the conventional education system just wasn't for me. I'm going to take some time to get to know myself. Explore my soul. Spend some time to work on my sound. You should hear me sometime!
Me – Oh, you're into music? I didn't know you were!
X – I never was really. But it seems to have found me you know? My sound is quite indescribable... I try to combine a whole lot of things really... a kaleidoscope of all my talents if you will. I despise these conventional musicans who "experiment" with a hotch potch of too many things! Simple combination of everything. That's the key.
Me – *ahem* really... That sounds... great! Where are you planning to learn?
X – I am doing it myself. How hard is it eh? I think one learns best when it comes from within oneself.
Me (biting back the urge to yell) – yes, maybe...but still, you don't think some training would...
X – Maybe for other people, but you know how I can't be conventional. It's a curse really. So! What are your plans?
Me – I decided to do a B.Sc... Taking chemistry and microbiology.
X – Aw Meg, you haven't changed a bit! Still the same old square science dork I knew and loved!
Me (trying to laugh off the irritation) – Am I? Heh...
X (using hand like a fan) - God. I don't know how you take science. There's no room for any originality! How do you know where the white suit ends... and you begin?
Me – Right. Well... I'll manage... So you just turned 18! Did you do anything special?
X – Nah… Everyone looks forward to their 18 th birthday. I decided to celebrate the day I turn 17 and three quarters.
Me (choking on my drink) - *cough* what?
X – You know how I hate to be…
Me – Conventional! I know. It's not a bad thing you know?
X – No I suppose not... it's just so difficult to stand out!
Me – Everyone seems to be so caught up with being "different" these days. Being conventional is so rare now, maybe I'M the rebel here!
X - Oh you DO know how to make me laugh! We both know who is the weird one between the two of us.
Me - Eccentricity isn't cool when it's put on you know...
X – Yes, you're right! I despise those people who pretend to be different, but aren't really...and dislike things only because everyone else does, and quote motivational quotes all the time. You know, Confusious summed it quite nicely when he said...
Me – Good heavens, aren't you a being a little hypocritical?
X – Not at all. The difference is, I actually believe the quote! Now, tell me... don't you think that the new book by... oh whatshisname... the one nominated for the Booker this year? Don't you think it was simply ghastly? Never read anything more pretentious in my life!
Me - *faint*

Age Old Problem

2007-05-18T11:33:00.000-07:00

“Music and Lyrics”… “Provoked”… “A Good German”… “Metro”… These are all movies that I had trouble seeing. Why? Because I am all of SIX months less than 18 years old.

Most NORMAL people get away with it by throwing a very believable temper tantrum. I showed an ID card with my year of birth on it… Yes I know – the sheer stupidity of it all sickens me. But I can’t lie to save my life! So I showed them. Luckily there was a very sweet chubby old guy security guard there who I flashed a little smile at. He let me in with a roll of his eyes that said Oh all right!! Yay!

My friend of course couldn’t try that immediately after me… So…
“Oh God… Not this again! You cannot seriously expect me to believe that I don’t look over 18 to you. Come on don’t waste my time – my movie is about to start!” When my friend tried that, the security lady looked most flustered and did the whole I’m-so-sorry-ma’am-of-course-of-course routine and let her in.

Huh. That was SO cool…! So I tried it the next time! “Don’t I LOOK 18 to you?! Oh please don’t start this now… I don’t have the time for this. Just let me through!” The security lady looked completely unflustered. Even with her thick accent, she had me! “Wokay I believe ma… But I need see ID first.”

Wha…?? What did I do differently? Do I just give off an immature VIBE?! I have a feeling it isn’t going to be very different in six months! Maybe it will be once I’m wearing thick glasses, have grey hair, and am walking in with my grand-daughter.

Smile Ok Please!

2007-05-13T10:55:00.000-07:00

Visiting the Mehrangarh Fort while holiday-ing in Jodhpur was the best part of our 6 day holiday there. The building began in 1459, making it one of the oldest buildings I have ever visited. Built on a hill, we could see a gorgeous view of Jodhpur city from the hill. The walls of every house in the old city are painted in a bright shade of blue. While this is done for the most unromantic reason thinkable – to keep away mosquitoes – I couldn’t help but notice what a truly romantic view it was.

But more than the static piece of history that was the building, it was the people of Jodhpur that stood out in our memories. The people who spend their days within the high walls of the fort seem to live in a separate realm all together. I remember three particularly clearly.

One man sat in a depression in the wall, at the far end of a large square in the fort. He wore a large orange turban, and sat on a frayed and graying matress, which I suspected was once white in colour. He sat with one leg crossed and the other propped up supporting an extended arm. I found myself thinking that this man's great-great-grandfather probably didn't look very different from the way he looked just then.

At the door of one of the rooms we were about to enter, a man sat perched cross-legged on a high stool. He looked so picturesque – in his maroon turban, graying dhoti and long upturned moustache and large beard to match. Perhaps it was the sun, but he watched us unsmiling, his eyebrows drawn close together. Oblivious to it all, my dad ushered my brother towards him. “Let’s take a photograph!” he said. By hindsight, my wariness was uncalled for, but it was difficult to be completely comfortable with a man of his appearance putting an arm around my 12 year old brother. My brother hesitated. The man got off his stool and walked towards him. He flashed a beatific smile and said “aaja bachha, darta kyun hai??” Surprised and amused, we took the shot, and it made a lovely picture!

Just as we were leaving, my mother turned to him and said “Wah…aapki muchch tho bahut hi badhiya hai!” He went back to his stool twirling the ends of his moustache, and we went on our way – changed expressions on all our faces. He showed off his pearly whites as we walked away; I think we made his day as much as he made ours!

As we left the fort, just at the final turn of the path, a man sat singing with a large drum. He wore clothes similar to the first two men we saw, but looked considerably younger. He sang with his eyes closed, and only the drum as accompaniment. We asked him to sing for us again, and he was thrilled that someone was interested! It bothered me that so few bothered to stop to listen to him. No mikes, no added reverb, no studio fine tuning. He didn’t need any of it! His voice was so rustic – the kind that holds up a culture. With memories to last a lifetime, I left the Mehrangarh Fort with tears in my eyes.

Back After Too Long

2007-04-01T22:53:00.000-07:00

Our car turns the corner, and I see the familiar brick red pillars at the end of the road. I feel a combination of excitement and apprehension as the car pulled to a stop at the Nrityagram gates… After almost a year, I don’t know if they will still want me…
“You remember where the office is, don’t you?”
Psh. Of course I do! Though I havn’t been here for so long… No one would be surprised if I didn’t.

I don’t recognise the lady at the office desk. Have I really been gone that long? “Oh, no you don’t know me… I only joined 5 months ago” she says.
I manage to catch the eye of a familiar face. She smiles and waves back! Oh my god, she smiled and waved back…! There’s one part of the burden off my shoulders! I leave the adults to the serious talking about my future with dance. Or at least, that’s what I tell them. I just want to get closer to the music I hear in the distance after so long.

Someone is singing a beautiful tune to the beat of the pakhwaj, and the animated bols of its player. Two voices, two instruments and the feet of a dancer – separate from, but blending into each other as if meant to be together. There are photographers everywhere. But then, she is used to that! She seems oblivious to anybody else…
She makes a mistake that no one else notices. She stops, discusses something with the musicians, starts again… and there it is. A complete transformation from who she is everyday, to Radha, Krishna, a deer, a yogi…

Selfish that I am, I feel jealous. I feel sore at the thought that I will never be that good – and that here, there is no room for mediocrity. I realise that a role model like her is a blessing… but I still wish it was a less dwarfing one.

I go back again tomorrow. Into a world I don’t want to fail in… a world I was once part of… and a world I sorely miss…

Another Milestone...!

2007-02-19T01:55:00.000-08:00

Wow! It’s over! We were doing board exams in the 10th grade what seemed SO long ago… and here we are ready to take them all over again!

Graduation night was awesome…! Everyone looked amazing – somehow, on grad night, everyone always does.

Two years have flown by. Two years I spent with a bunch of crazy people. People who have made me laugh, made me cry, bugged the hell out of me, pulled my leg, had their legs pulled by me…but most importantly, people who have given me two years of memories worth a lifetime. We had it all --> from the biggest brains to our less intelligent moments. From gossip, politics, drug dealers, blood tests, secret smiles across the class, water fights and pranks to talks of crow and frog genders!

I wish I had known two years would fly by this quickly. I’d have taken more trouble to know each of you better, get over little irritations faster, and be less like myself; reserved, thinking there is always more time!

But we had fun huh?? In all our madness, clashes and insanity…!
Congratulations class of 2007!! Will miss you guys!

Weapons Of Mass Distraction!

2007-01-13T06:16:00.000-08:00

I am telling you. The universe is against me. It is slowly, but steadily and meticulously creating situations to place me in, so that I NEVER do well! Like it wasn’t bad enough just with cell phones, blogs, email, and general daydreams… I now have a whole new problem to deal with. This is an SMS conversation between Supreya and I, on the way home from the Biology exam.

Me: Sup! Did you know American Idol is starting on the 17th??
Sup: Really? I knew it was starting. I didn’t know when though. Cool!
Me: Yea…! Great. Another thing to distract us… But yay!
Sup: Ah we can work around it. And there is this new show Heroes. Kinda like x-men… supposed to be really good. We HAVE to watch that!
Me: Yea? Ok…!
Sup: And KBC with Shahrukh!
Me: OMG yea!!! That HAS to be seen! And oh oh… our F.R.I.E.N.D.S marathon! Forget boards! Let’s just watch TV all life long!
Sup: Ha ha. Yeah!! I know. Who gives when there are so many other important things in life that actually matter! =s
Meg: Yea totally! We have GOT to show this conversation to Ms. Padma. Or… we could choose life!!

I want to watch them all! But I don’t want to fail! Ah. Dilemma. See? I’m telling you. The universe is against me.

Confused by Ambition

2007-01-06T04:50:00.000-08:00

I have two months left of school before exams and entrance tests and applications start – and I don’t have a clue what I want!

Well, that’s not entirely true.

I know that I want:
--> Biochemistry, computational chemistry, pure chemistry, pharmaceuticals, literature, advertising or media arts. Just don’t ask me to choose!
--> To be in a safe city, where I can go out without fear of murder
--> Make friends who aren’t dumb
--> Have a hostel with a clean loo
--> To keep dance a part of my life
--> To sing, write, debate
--> To able to try new things! I know that I want to be somewhere that I can later tell people I was, and not have the reaction “Where…??”

Yup. I know exactly what I want. I want the American education system, in Singapore city, with family close by, Bangalore-ian friends around the corner, Nrityagram down the street, endless time to sing, dance, debate, write… a subject I love, with teacher’s like Ms. Padma teaching everything…! I want to do everything, everywhere…and do well without trying. Is that so hard?

Oh yea. I also want world peace, a maxed chemistry paper, and a mansion made of emeralds on Mars with my personal French chef, Pierre Gaston. Fruitcake, anyone?

Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

Sadistic Pleasure

2006-12-16T23:02:00.000-08:00

Dentists are the world’s biggest sadists.

I have always had an irrational fear of dentists, and was completely freaked when I found out a needed root canal. The day before my birthday, I was going to, for the first time in my life, have anaesthesia in my mouth! It wasn’t even the root canal, just a filling…but I was completely freaking out.

Let me tell you one thing. The injection hurts a little bit, but that’s it. The actual procedure wasn’t so bad. In retrospect.

What was sadistic you ask? The complete lack of dignity in the whole thing! I was horizontal…my mouth wide open…with one guy drilling on a tooth, and two other people WATCHING. I’m not scientific enough to be comfortable with such rapt medical interest, and am at a loss to understand where any other interest could possibly lie in the interior of my mouth.

The absolute limit was when this dentist – who personally, I’m sure, is a perfectly nice human being – starts HUMMING! While the drilling was still going on! I mean, for God’s sake!

The anaesthesia numbed the entire left side of my face, including my tongue…which felt five times larger than always. My mom was making jokes about how I couldn’t say the alphabet. And amidst all this, the guy looks at me and says “Have a nice day! See you on Thursday for the next session!” Smiling. And when I got there on that Thursday, the owner of the clinic says “Back again, are we? You’re really beginning to enjoy this huh?”

Argh. Sadists.

This is for them!

This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit - A poem by Ogden Nash

We, The People

2006-11-02T09:50:00.000-08:00

I recently came across a blog, while surfing. Clear from her post, she is in India on a holiday, and decided to post her attempt at “unraveling the exotic tapestry of mystery that is India”. I have never read a larger piece of patronising writing in my life.

She notices women dropping out of school at grade 4, but forgets to notice that we are the only country in the world to have an entire state of 100% literacy - Kerala. Or that right from the beginning, our constitution gave equal rights to women. Indian women never had to fight for the right to vote!

She notices our lack of efficiency and infrastructure, but forgets to notice that we are one of the few countries in the world with free press and the freedom to express opinion without being arrested.

Granted, all the problems she mentions exist. But India is not unique in its problems! Economic disparity is a problem the world over. The poor in the Americas aren’t any less worthy of sympathy simply because they live in so-called developed countries!

I would really like to know which part of India she is generalising the rest with. She says that we blare western music, without understanding the lyrics. Sorry to burst your bubble there, but EVERYONE I know can perfectly understand the lyrics of Nickelback, Alanis Morrissette, Usher and Alicia Keys, and enjoy them immensely, without forgetting the splendour of an Amjad Ali Khan or Ravi Shankar as well. Most people my age wear western clothes without having their chests “gawked” at, and frankly, I would be more uncomfortable walking down the streets of New York late at night, than Bangalore.

In any case, we aren’t half as backward as she seems to think we are. Today, Americans and Europeans lose their jobs everyday to more qualified or more articulate Indians. Ever heard that being replaced by a software engineer from Bangalore is now officially called “being Bangalore-ed”? These are the very Indians, who grew up in this – as she sees it – overpopulated slum.

It’s convenient isn’t it; to overlook that India has the oldest history, the richest culture, the largest film industry, and most free, enthusiastic and alive people in the world!

What really annoys me is that she still calls herself “proud to be Indian!” I wish she would refrain from doing so, if she is going to come here, talk about silk carpets and the Taj Mahal, and go back to talk about load shedding.
I say, either come and leave as a tourist, or do something proactive HERE to give yourself the right to crib. And PLEASE. If you think the same way she does, save your patronising sensitivity for someone other than us “poor Indians”.

Traditional Joys!

2006-10-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Diwali weekend and Dad isn’t in town. Not that he didn’t try to be here, but he had to be in the US for a summit. What I fail to understand is why people don’t plan these things around national holidays? Even if it IS an international company, the Americans would FREAK if anyone suggested they worked through Christmas! In any case, that, and the fact that this is the first Diwali we are celebrating without Aja, made tonight slightly less celebratory than it should have been.

We spent most of the day at home, us studying, Mom doing her own work… Then Dida came over, and we had lunch and watched a movie together. It was really nice! Just not anything that would stick out in one’s head as a Diwali celebration. I started getting more and more depressed about the lack of ceremony and celebration during a day, that only comes once a year, that is supposed to be a big deal!

Mom and I aren’t the kind to sit around and mope. So we decided to DO something! We soaked some rice, dug out EVERY candle and diya in the house, and arranged them in every conceivable place for diyas! The rice was ground up, put in a bit of water, and I put alpona all over the house. In the doorway, around the diyas, and in every nook and corner I could find. I did a little prayer in the private of my room, and by the end of it, felt SO much better! We are even going to go out to the gate with a big group of neighbours to watch the fireworks!

We consider ourselves a very un-ritualistic family. We don’t keep fasts, do pujas for everything, or believe in superstitions or traditions that many of our friends and family do. But somehow, I think I find a little bit of comfort in ceremony and ritual. I don’t even know completely what the words of the Gaayathri Mantra mean! But just saying it, gives me strength.

Call it stupid, or sweet, or pointless, I don’t know. But the fact remains, I discovered that little something about myself today.

Thunderous Shock

2006-09-22T00:23:00.000-07:00

The day had been one of clear skies and a light breeze. The mundane weather matched my uneventful day. I went to bed that night without a thought in my head. The balcony door was open letting the Bangalore night breeze enter the room through the grills. I pulled the quilt tighter around myself and drifted off into a dreamless sleep. I didn’t even notice the dry breeze turn into a moist one.

I awoke with a start to loud noise. Like an explosion. It didn’t LOOK any different outside… but the sheer volume of the sound sent a chill down my spine. Images of children screaming in Malegaon and Bombay flashed across my mind. How bad would the damages be? How many people would be left without family this time? I was alive…so which part of town had the bomb exploded? I was fretting about my grandparents and friends in different parts of town when I noticed that it was now pouring hard outside. Thunder. Not a terrorist attack. Thunder. Why was a bomb the first thought to enter my head?

Though that night, I drank a glass of water, and went back to sleep, I couldn’t get the uneasy feeling out of my stomach for days.

Trouble Child

2006-09-04T11:25:00.000-07:00

I think I have an attitude problem. I can’t believe I’m admitting that. I don’t mean to come off arrogant. I really don’t. But I end up giving an uncomfortably large number of people that impression.

I just found out that someone I really love and admire doesn’t think I am good company for someone I have been getting pretty close to lately. Whether she thinks this because she doesn’t like me…or simply because this friend of mine is in a different class, and she wouldn’t like ANY two people of different grades to be friends…I don’t know.

I have always found that when you focus on something; even if it's really small and insignificant, and really believe that it’s true, you start seeing proof of it everywhere…! So now, I’m becoming overly conscious of the personality I project! Little things…

If there is something I don’t like, I don’t hesitate to say so. Not that I’m rude about it, but I don’t really think twice before I question authority.

People I don’t think much of; know pretty well that I don’t think much of them.

I find grammatical errors funny.

Maybe as a joke, but almost HALF my friends call me intellectualist, and say I have un-match-able standards.

None of this is really justified. It’s not like I’m the last word in… well, ANYthing. I've always said that people’s opinion of me doesn’t matter. Easy to say when opinions are positive…

Finding out just HOW many people think I am stuck up, have an attitude problem, or am a bad influence… really sucks.

Art And Soul

2006-08-07T09:33:00.000-07:00

I recently read a piece written by someone I know, but don’t think much of. I found the piece to be shallow and stupid, just as I thought her to be. But when I got two other people – who’s opinion of the writer was less vehement - to read the same article, they managed to give a much more objective critique. They said that setting the actual thought aside – which was still EXTREMEMLY stupid - the piece had a nice flow, and an interesting style.

I was just thinking, did I dislike it with the intensity that I did, simply because I disliked the writer first? Would it have bugged me AS much if I didn’t know the personality behind the thought?

Is it even possible, to judge a piece of work objectively and for its own sake, separate from the nature of the person who crafted it? Would we, for example, admire Paradise Lost as much, had we known John Milton (reportedly a very difficult and unpleasant man, who gave his family a terrible time) personally?

How free are Michael Jackson’s dance sequences and music videos from his personal perversions?

When a person cannot live up to the advice he or she gives in his or her own personal life, why does that invalidate the wisdom of the advice?

I just suddenly realised how important a personality becomes when it comes to someone admiring your work, taking you seriously...or not. Is it then actually better to not know the heart behind the art?

Giving It Up...

2006-06-22T11:10:00.000-07:00

I caught up with two friends I hadn’t met in a while last weekend. It was nice seeing both of them after so long…sat around at an amazingly inefficient Coffee Day, and chatted for an hour and a half or so. Talked about absolute nonsense…but somehow, I enjoyed it anyway. One little bit of our conversation though; struck a sensitive nerve I wasn’t even aware existed.

Two of us were listening to a detailed explanation of a topic that we didn’t really know of or care about till said third friend started telling us all about it. I found it so hilarious how into the whole thing he was. We sort of started to tease him about being a dork…when he said to us, “Oh forget it! You keep painting, and you keep dancing!” In jest of course… But suddenly it hit me…that I’m not dancing anymore. And it didn’t feel good. At all.

With teachers being on tour, we would have had to go to Nrityagram to have classes twice a week. That’s two hours, merely in travel! I can’t afford that kind of time… I realise that theoretically, it isn’t the end of dance for me, but putting on indefinite postponement, isn’t pleasant. I can’t help but think that after this, I will never have the opportunity to get back to it.

Throughout this week, it has suddenly started hitting me that I have stopped doing so many things! With prize day practices on, this is the first time in my 10 years in NAFL that I haven’t been in the choir. I didn’t think it mattered to me all that much. We used to have to be DRAGGED to choir practice. But I didn’t realise that we had our little group of people who shared that suffering…and it was actually FUN! And today, I watched the prize day sound check, and the choir students on stage singing the same painful songs over and over with the hot stage lights o0n their faces, complaining, and DYING to go home… and I wasn’t a part of it! And that didn’t feel good either. At all.

Mrs. Koshy was telling me that there are all these competitions to go for, and ALL the dates clashed with unit tests, or exams, or practicals, or prelims. I wish I had known that the last big competition I went for was going to be the last one. I would have consciously enjoyed it more.

Having chosen science, and having the kind of dreams of a career that I have, there has to be something I sacrifice. There are people who have given up way more than I have. And yet, I can’t help but feel really sad that I’ve given up two of things I loved to do the most. I can’t help but hate watching people take my place in my groups, or my part of the limelight. I can’t help but…feel incredibly deprived.

Class Act?

2006-05-23T08:51:00.000-07:00

I don’t think you can ever know how scary an accident is, until you have been in one. The fear for the rest of your family…and for those outside your own car who were involved… Somehow, I had imagined it before, and sympathised with those who had been in one very sincerely…but there is no way I could have been prepared for this one…

We were driving down airport-whitefield road a few days ago, when an auto driving on the other side of the road divider, completely lost control of the vehicle, toppled over and skidded in front of us. My dad hit the brake, and since we weren’t going too fast, managed to stop, but the auto skid and hit us hard from the front. We thought that we should go see if anyone needed to be taken to a hospital, but our car was immediately surrounded by an angry mob, who started hitting OUR car!

Trying to keep myself and my brother calm, we told dad not to open the door. And thank GOD he didn’t. There was one guy who followed us in a van, and caught up with us at the traffic light, just to hit our bonnet and windshield with a big wooden POLE! I have never been so scared in my life. But Dad got out of there, and drove straight to the nearest police station, where we sort of sought refuge.

Now that everything is worked out, and there are no charges against us, I can only thank our lucky stars that we are all safe…but most of all, that our car doors were locked that day.

Every time there isn’t anything else to think about, it replays in my head. What I will never understand, is though the guy must have seen that we had nothing to do with the accident, why did he beat up our car?! Mom thinks that it’s the whole class struggle. Simply because it was a car, that hit an auto rickshaw. But then, one can never understand mob mentality. But when I think about it, I wonder, if we were sitting in another auto, would the mob have been just as angry?

Till Death Do Us Part

2006-04-14T06:38:00.000-07:00

Going through my mom’s stationery drawer the other day, I found a card that was meant for Aja. There is a little cartoon of a girl with a ponytail, and three banana peels… you open up the card and the title is “Happy Birthday to a grandpa who sent me into peals of laughter”… I remember looking at it almost 5 years ago, and thinking that I wouldn’t find a more perfect card for Aja… That was when they were still in Delhi, and I had just missed his birthday. So I thought to myself, there’s always next year! That entire year, I kept the card safely in my room…and in the process of keeping it so safe, forgot that I had it, and missed the next birthday too. This happened SO many times, but every time I rediscovered it, I thought, “next time, but I HAVE to give it to him! It’s just too perfect for words…” I didn’t think that I would postpone it one time too many.

Today would have been his birthday. We spent the day with Dida so she wouldn’t have to be alone. We even had ice cream where we used to go with him once in a while. I know it sounds silly, but I really missed him today. I think about him everyday. But sometimes, it hits me harder than other times, that I will really never see him again. Today was one of those times…

However corny it may sound, it must be said, that if you want to do something special for someone, do it now. And make sure that the people you love, know that you love them.

Sight For My-Sore Eyes!

2006-04-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

This is the most gorgeous picture we saw at the art gallery in Mysore! Ravi Verma's "Lady In The Moonlight". The most exciting thing about this painting, is that its perspective is 3-dimensional! Look at the painting from the left angle and the sea looks like it is behind her towards our right... Look at it from the right, and the sea looks like it is behind her towards our left! I don't know if one can see this over the net, but the effect is awesome in real life! Real sight for sore eyes!

Palatial Disappointment!

2006-04-06T04:50:00.000-07:00

My family and I just got back from a weekend in Mysore! Dad had a conference there, so we tagged along and stayed at new spa that has recently opened there! Talk about fancy! Most of the time, we lolled around at the hotel, ate, swam…etc, etc… but on Sunday, we went to see the Mysore palace and the art gallery.

The palace was really disappointing though… The building itself was clearly grand! Exorbitant really! A mixture of Hindu, Muslim and European architecture… there were these beautiful motifs, exquisitely made, that are beautiful on their own, but looked like such a mess when put together! Mom and I kept picking these little things to admire. Like a peacock motif, or a particular stained glass, or the inlay in a lovely doorway. But we both agreed that when it was all put together, it really looked a bit confused…

What was most disappointing though, was to see how badly the government seems to have maintained the place. There are badly cut out pieces of plywood that are just stuck in the wall… electrical wires sticking out of a skilfully carved tiger… wire meshes that block people from entering a courtyard… there even are these strong wires, that LEAD you through the court room, like they are trying to guide sheep in a queue!! It completely ruins the romance of the place.

Considering that it is supposed to be a heritage centre of India, it is really sad to see how badly the government maintains it! The place would really be better off in the hands of the descendants of the royal family!

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On a brighter note, the art gallery was awesome! I will post a picture of this GORGEOUS painting by Ravi Verma we saw soon!!

Crash and Burn

2006-03-06T04:09:00.000-08:00

Exams are over! And we had exactly 2 days to get over them, before starting 12th grade today! So some of from class went and saw the Oscar nominated film Crash.

The movie addresses the issue of racial discrimination in the US. Every example in the movie represented a different section of society – Hispanics, Persian immigrants, middle class blacks, blacks living on the streets, white politicians, cops, asians… - all of whom either face discrimination, or who themselves discriminate against anyone unlike them.

There was one scene that I found myself particularly relating to…
A white couple were walking down the street, and the lady sees two black guys walking towards her. The moment she notices them, her first instinct is to clutch her husband’s hand a little tighter, glance at them and then quickly at the ground, quicken her steps a little, and close her car door as fast as possible.

I found myself wonder if I would be open minded to give them the benefit of the doubt. Any girl who has walked down brigade road in Bangalore, or been to an interschool or college festival, knows what it’s like to be whistled at, or have a comment passed… But I wonder if her reaction would be the same to a dark-skinned guy with a cigarette, and a fair blue-eyed blonde. Would I be being honest, if I said that appearances don’t play any part in my judgement of a person?

Do small everyday things, like preferring a Hindu tailor to a Muslim one, buying fruit from the guy who doesn’t wear the tiny hat on his head, making one of the criteria for hiring a maid that he/she has to be Brahmin, being afraid of a dark skinned man, and not a fair one, or just the fact that a race is the first thing to register about a person, also count as racism? Is being a mental racist easier but, in fact, just as terrible as being a loud one?

Just a thought. What say you?

Techinical Problem

2006-02-05T05:42:00.000-08:00

Who says technology makes one’s life easier?! I say in a lot of ways, it really complicates life. Listen to what I went through Saturday morning.

On Friday night, the night before Show and Tell, I was out until almost midnight. As usual, I had left printing out my chemistry report till the last possible minute. Unfortunately, the floppy on which I had saved the report in school, turned out to be un-formatted. Since I couldn’t open the document, I had to ask Janani to type part of it out and email it to me. I came home only to find that our internet connection wasn’t working. Thinking that I would get up early Saturday morning and access my report (along with Supreya’s) through email the next morning, I went to sleep.

I got up at SIX am…which (those of you who know me well, will know) is an UNEARTHLY hour of the morning for me! I went to the computer that had both an internet connection and a printer, and found that yet again, the internet connection wasn’t working. So, I went to the other computer and accessed my email, got the two reports, typed up the remaining part of my own, saved it, and woke up my dad to give me a pen drive. I only have one printer, so I had to transfer the files to the one that had a functional printer, but no internet. I transferred the files, and turned of the computer…only to realise that there was something wrong with the pen drive and the files weren’t being transferred! This repeated with the second pen drive, AFTER I typed the whole thing up AGAIN, since the first document failed to save (for some unidentifiable reason). When I gave up on the pen drive, I decided to burn a CD. Just as I started doing that, dad brought the printer to that room. By the time he had connected it, accessed the files, and printed both documents, I had MISSED THE BUS!

Argh! It was the most disastrous morning ever. Not to mention the fact that my iPod is working, and neither is the webcam. I hate technology! Hate it I tell you!

Life Isn't Fair

2006-01-23T03:08:00.000-08:00

Habba is off. Again. And it’s permanent this time. Last Sunday, Lynn called us for a ‘meeting’ at Nrityagram. We thought it would probably be to start off classes after the Christmas and new-year break. Turns out we were wrong…

The entire ensemble is going on a long tour all over the US. And by long, I mean seven months. So this meeting was to figure out what to do with our classes while they are away. Lots of things were discussed…but it boils down to once a week classes – in Nrityagram. Going there ONCE a month was hard enough! 9 am to 3 pm…the whole day gets taken up! And to do that once a week…well, let’s just say I’m not exactly doing spectacularly in school ANYway!

Another major change is that the last Vasanthahabba (the one in 2004) was literally THE last Habba. Apparently, Nrityagram have accomplished what they set out to do with Habba, and now there are different things to be done. So whatever form of Habba is going to take place will happen next year as “a new avatar” – during my board exams.

So at least till the end of 12th grade, dance is indefinitely on hold. It’s just so unfair. It was the last bit of excitement in my life. The ONE place left where I didn’t have to think about school, and exams and record books. NOW what?!

Civil Servants?

2006-01-02T05:11:00.000-08:00

Sandeep Kaku was over last night! It was really cool seeing him again. He always has such interesting stories to tell… He was in Bangalore, playing for a concert with Ustad Amjad Ali Khan and his sons! I would have SO loved to have gone, but we didn’t make it. Anyway, while we were talking at night, Kaku was talking about CM Dharam Singh being at the concert. And his story really got me thinking…

Not only was Mr. Dharam Singh royally late to the concert, but soon after he arrived, Amjad Ali Khan ji received little chits of paper saying that His Royal Highness needed to go, and that they should wrap up the concert. WHY exactly? Because the CM needed to felicitate the artists before he could go home. I don't know about them, but I would rather not have such a felicitation!

Apparently, this kind of thing happens all the time! With these government official types coming late for a concert and publicly getting up and walking off in the middle – as if it were completely acceptable to come and go as one pleased! One established musician actually stopped his concert to ask the person in question why she bothered to come if she had no intention of listening to begin with!

It seems to ANNOYING to see disrespect of this level from people who are supposed to be working to make our city a BETTER place to be in!

The other day, mom and I were in a bit of a rush to reach a store before it closed. We turned the corner of our street, near the Police Commissioner’s office to see four traffic policemen stopping the traffic for about 10 minutes, so that ONE ambassador could have a clear path through the road! My mom summed it up in one line. “They seem to re-define the term civil ‘servant’!”

Amchi Mumbai

2005-12-31T09:59:00.000-08:00

I just got back from a week long holiday in Bombay! Despite the fact that it was time i should have spent studying, it was THE best way to not study EVER!

The city is SO different from Bangalore! The city itself is ancient, but the beautiful old buildings are contrasted by the most staggering high rise hotels, apartments and offices in the background! There is no way anyone could mistake those roads for Bangalore ones! Bombay is also so much larger than Bangalore!

TRIP HIGHLIGHTS:
- Meeting Arjun and Jai. The two most adorable 22-month-olds EVER! So cute… I loved seeing a baby prefer me to his dad! ;)
- Watching sunset on the PDP beach! The fog was so think that the sun literally disappeared before it set, but still! It was awesome!
- Waking up in the morning to see only water from the hotel room window. Felt like a dream; that view!

All in all, an awesome holiday!! Had a blast! How was your vacation?

Down With It!

2005-11-23T06:00:00.000-08:00

Most people have Monday blues. But then, catch me being the same as “most people”. Nope! I have Wednesday blues! Worst day of the week – in my opinion. Double Math, followed by block Physics, followed by two periods of Chemistry and an hour and half of Biology after lunch! By the end of the day, our class personifies saturation!

Not that any other day of the week is any better, but on Wednesdays, we are bugged after Monday and Tuesday, and have that horrible feeling that the weekend is still over 2 days away!

I vote that we do away with Wednesdays! Or even better, make it a holiday! Then, a holiday would never be more that 2 days away!

They say that teenagers start the week sleepy, are dead tired on Wednesdays, and alive and happy by Friday. Adults, in contrast, are fresh on Mondays, dead tired on Wednesdays and completely beat on Friday. At least on Wednesdays, we are on the same page!

So, generations alike…chant:

DOWN WITH WEDNESDAYS!

All Or Nothing

2005-11-16T04:57:00.000-08:00

Way too many things happen this month!

Three birthdays, in one house, in one month! My brother’s on the nineteenth, Ma’s on the fourteenth and mine tomorrow! Dad says November is the month each year that bankrupts him! Other than in my own house, Shahrukh’s, Samana’s, Ekta’s, Mandara’s, Pavi Di’s, Vyoma’s and SO many other people’s birthdays are in November!! Too many to remember!

Besides birthdays, ALL inter-school competitions come around at the same time. VIVUM at TISB (which I am totally looking forward to Su!), plus Two essay competitions, and a story to submit! Not that I’m complaining, but HOW many can a girl do!!

I also have my dance exam coming up. This Sunday for those of you who don’t know already! I am so scared about it…I am SO unprepared! Not that I would be less scared if I was prepared, but that’s beside the point!

Also, the match is this Saturday. Hopefully, I am going…but even if I’m not, I will be glued to the TV!! GOOD LUCK India!

It seems like its all or nothing! Life is monotonous and boring for weeks on end…and then life throws ten things at you to juggle at once!! Wish me luck!

A -Okay!

2005-10-27T04:32:00.000-07:00

I don’t know what to do with my two days off! But it feels so good…seriously! After a week of Dussera vacation, I felt so reluctant to be in school! A day off always feels great, but I have never been THIS happy! There was so much to catch up with in school…little bits of unfinished work to do… and I couldn’t find the time to do it! But most of all…I’m happy about our competition getting cancelled!

We were supposed to go for this music competition at Bishop Cotton’s this Thursday. We were taking “Teach Your Children” by CSNY… Really tough song, and to make it harder, we were attempting it without accompaniment! It was sounding all right, but there were parts that weren’t perfect. Last minute, we decided to add a guitar. The guitarist being none other than my brother. Now, whatever you say, finding a time when people from 9CB, 9IG, 10th grade, 11th grade AND 6th grade are free…is NOT easy. We practiced during snack and lunch, and NO one but me has heard the guitar yet. How we were going to be ready by Thursday is BEYOND me!

But now we don’t have to be! Yay! It jus confirms my belief – ultimately, everything works out for the best!

Admiration Misdirected

2005-10-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Somehow, when Shahrukh Khan or Sachin Tendulkar is in town, the entire city knows, and is hanging around outside the stars’ hotel rooms, just waiting for a glimpse of their idol. Why is it that when Amjad Ali Khan, or Shubha Mudgal, or Bijayini Sathpathy perform in Chowdiah, not even HALF of that population knows?! Real genius is so rarely appreciated...seriously.

Justified Paranoia?

2005-10-06T06:24:00.000-07:00

My dad was going to Delhi on business, and out of the blue asked me to go along with him!! So I flew to Delhi a day after him on the 28th of September. Other than the fact that I got stuck next to a REALLY obnoxious guy on the flight…it was SO fun travelling alone! And I ended up spending the coolest three days there EVER! The only thing that bothered me about Delhi is how bothered everyone is when we go out alone!

Maybe I am just used to cities like Bangalore and Singapore, but Delhi just seemed particularly unsafe. My parents must be the most paranoid parents in the world, but even they let me out alone in Bangalore. And I travelled to and back from work everyday in Singapore. The level of independence I get in Singapore, Bangalore and Delhi differs drastically.

In Singapore, I travelled by public transport alone, I walked from the MRT stations to home alone, I made last minute plans to meet people all over town, NO problem. Here, I can go out…but with friends, and everyone has to know where, when and with who! In Delhi, I need a chaperone! I don’t think it is a case of over-protectiveness of my parents though. Everyone’s parents seem to be slightly weary of letting their children out alone in Delhi…!

Why are some places safer than others? Why are streets unsafe at all? Independence is so great! The fact that we can’t have it is SO annoying.

I Really Am Confusion Personified!

2005-09-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

Nrityagram had a performance a few nights ago. They were brilliant. As usual. There was a new dancer – who I have never seen before. She was really good, but majorly over shadowed by the other two. There was one piece that was performed, that I have learnt as well. They did the exact same steps that we do, but somehow made it look SO much more impressive! They make every movement look instinctive!

Watching them, and thinking about my own dance, I started think – My God, I’m really happy when I’m dancing. I would love to be where they were. I really want to be that good! I don’t know what suddenly put this thought into my head. But there I was sitting and watching them…thinking about the practicalities of moving and living in Nrityagram! It seemed so completely unlike me to think of something like that, and I was aware of the out-of-character-ness of the whole thought process. So I told myself – firmly – that all this passion was because of where I was. Because of who I was watching. Because I was still high on the show. But now, three days later, the idea still seems amazing to me.

It’s not practical. I know it isn’t conventional. But that’s not it. What is making me THINK about it is one – will I still want this five years down the line? and two – do I have the potential to be THAT good (because if I don’t, there really isn’t much point in trying).

I still don’t know if I really want this or it is one of those ideas that pop into one’s mind only to fade away a few months later. I do want a respectable educational qualification, so at least till I have that I’m set.

It’s so frustrating though! Like with biochemistry, advertising and literature…I wasn’t confused ENOUGH!

Too Many Shoulders

2005-09-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

It’s true that one can never understand how much it hurts till it happens to you. Losing someone you love is so painful…but a support system makes it that much easier to deal with. Or does it? I lost my grandfather early Thursday morning. The entire day was such a blur. I don’t think it has still completely set in that he is really gone. I remember loads of people coming home and calling on the phone. But I don’t think it really registered who most of them were…

Over the past four days, people have been calling – both my mom’s and grandmother’s friends – to express their sadness and offer condolences. But finally today, my mom said “Sympathy can be so oppressive sometimes…” To repeat the same story – of how, when, and where it happened – to EVERY person who asks is really painful. Just hearing my mom saying it, I re-live the whole thing in my head. It must be complete agony to her. I’m amazed at her strength.

He was a writer and a teacher, so he has fans and students all over the world. So many of them called when they heard the news – the phone would ring every 5 minutes! SO many people have said wonderful things about him, shared funny and special memories of him, and expressed their grief. It’s so nice to know that there are so many people who loved and thought highly of him.

But I can’t help but wonder – would we have been better off having fewer shoulders to cry on?

The Power Of Now

2005-08-05T08:09:00.000-07:00

I was watching this cheap Hindi film song today. And it got me thinking. (Strange thing to happen while watching Karshima Kapoor and Govinda, but I had to occupy my thoughts somehow!) I was thinking about Karishma then and Karishma now. And then I thought, in a few years, she will be old and so will everyone else! What will she be doing then? But then, these stars have at least, what? 10 years more of looking pretty? So why was I thinking about what is going to happen 10 years from now?

We all seem to be so hung up on the future. Every action we take seems to have a consequence in the future. We start planning for it even as early as 8th grade. What do we want with our lives…what do we need to do to get there…how is it going to be once we get there…what are our lives going to be like. Sometimes, I feel like I think about the future so much, that I’m missing out on the present!

My parents get into these moods sometimes. Whenever I hit a milestone, or turn a year older, or even look slightly different…they get into the she-is-growing-up-so-fast-and-will-soon-move-away-and-leave-us-all-alone mode. I guess all parents do that. But I’m here NOW aren’t I? Where is the need to talk about marriage, motherhood, or even COLLEGE at this point?! My mom says that the reason older people get depressed is that once you have lived life, there is no more to look forward to. What I don’t understand is, why can’t we enjoy the moment? Why is PLANNING for later more important than living for now?

In our process of focussing so completely on what is to come, do we miss out on the joy of now? These moments will never come back. So are we tiding them over in our obsession with the future?

It’s inevitable really. It’s going to continue to happen. But – at least at the back of our minds – we have to keep in mind that we live in the present, and worry less about what’s to come.

Making A Mark

2005-07-29T10:27:00.000-07:00

People come and people go like ripples in a stream. They make their mark, go away – and their traces don’t last too long. Or at least, that’s how it is according to John V. Politis. Personally, I think that’s a sad outlook to life…

Today was Sister Jesuina’s last day in college as Principal. She has been Principal of MCC for 5 years. Somehow, Sister has this wonderful ability to get close on a very personal level to her students and lecturers. She has always had the time to give me and Tushar a sweet each, or introduce us to the latest feline or canine entrant to the college.

The most striking thing about her is her genuine concern for other people, and how she engages with other people’s pain. One would expect a nun to be like that, but with her…it’s different – a little bit more! She has engaged so much with my family over the last few years. Praying for my grandfather when he was fighting cancer, praying for my other grandfather even today, not to mention praying for ME before every exam I took last year! And she even passed it on to other nuns! My mom had Sisters she had never spoken to coming up to her and saying “Today was your daughter’s math exam right? We prayed for her math paper to go well this morning!” Her involvement extends to THAT level.

In my mind I never thought she would be Principal forever. But somehow, this refuses to hit me. I don’t even study at MCC, but I think that's why it bothers me more. I thought she would be around to see me leave, rather than the other way around! Her silent and loving ways leave a mark in the hearts of everyone who knows her, and even though she is a ripple moving towards the end of this stream, her traces will stay forever.

People are not meant to just come and go. They come into our lives to make a mark - and whether negative or positive, they will make it. No offence intended Mr. Politis, but you are WRONG.

Shakespearean Comedy

2005-07-11T09:42:00.000-07:00

My life story would have made the perfect Shakespearean comedy. Do you remember “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”? There are four characters in the play – two men and two women - who constantly fall in love with each other, and there is always something/somebody complicating the situation. Think of me as Character 5, who is not really getting involved in the situation, but somehow ends up altering it simply by being there!

I have been informed of at least 4 guys that I am dating, considering dating, or crushing on in the last 2 weeks, by 3 completely different parties in my life. This would be normal for most teenagers, except that in my case, to make it a bigger Comedy of Errors, I NEVER KNOW about any of my alleged romances! There must be a clone of me going around who asks random guys to movies and asks out other people’s boyfriends. Why am I always getting paired up with SOMEONE?! What are people trying to do?! Tame the Shrew?!

All you people out there who talk about who likes who when where and why…don’t make so Much Ado About Nothing, and we’ll go ahead and handle our lives As We Like It!

As for you people who get discussed as much as I do, remember truth always prevails - All’s Well That Ends Well! Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself. As far as I’m concerned, I am seriously considering officially hiring Sucheta to keep me updated on my relationship status. Trying to keep track myself is pretty much A Midsummer Nightmare.

Lament Of The Science Student

2005-06-30T08:45:00.000-07:00

I thought eleventh grade was supposed to be a break after tenth! How much can a HUMAN being study?? I am 2 subjects down, and I am still dying. I think it would be a lot easier if the adults involved in my life would take a few steps back really.

School work, homework, work galore,
Not to mention work some more.
How can I balance it with other things?
Can I BE a good student who dances and sings?

The adults in my life confuse me all the more
Schoolwork seems like the most boring chore.
When at home it’s like I’m in cuffs…
When do I find the time to practice dance and stuff?

Our chem. Teacher says “Study ONLY chemistry”
Our bio teacher? “ONLY Biology”
And while they both agree our workload is immense,
They both still say “Don’t get tense”.

At home my parents will take over.
And I feel like running to take cover.
They say “It’s just a few hours…work with zest”
And then they’ll say “Don’t get stressed!”

As if school wasn’t bad enough,
Dance classes are just as tough.
They say “Practice a few hours at leisure…
It will help take off some of the pressure!”

Everywhere I go there are one or two
Confusing me about what exactly I should do.
I think I’d sooner join a cult,
Than ever completely understand an adult.

Oprah Plays Patronising!

2005-06-11T11:35:00.000-07:00

All eyes were glued to Star World prime time; when Bollywood’s very own Aishwariya Rai sat through an interview with world famous talk show host – Oprah Winfrey. Snippets of this great interview were showing on TV for weeks…warming up Indians all over the world to watch the “word’s most beautiful woman” take a big step for women all over India. This grand event, turned out to be 15 minutes long.

Oprah’s long introduction to Bollywood’s contribution to the World’s Top Ten Most Beautiful Women focused on Ash’s looks, her looks, and…oh yea…her looks. So, Ms. Rai’s claim to fame was – you guessed it – her beauty. Now, that being said, why Oprah wanted her to be the spokesperson of Indian women and to talk about the lifestyles of Indians today is beyond me. However, one does expect a certain amount of intelligence from a former Miss. World. Frankly, I don’t think she made as much of the questions she was asked as she could have. If it were Shobha De, Shabana Azmi, or Nandita Das, Oprah would have had a real conversation to deal with.

The first thing they talked about was how weird Indian movies are. It was “What’s with the songs? Just as things start getting intimate, you burst into song!”. The much awaited “My living with my family…is SUCH a topic!” led to nothing. The questions asked could have started interesting conversation, but none of them did. Ash put a pink sari on Oprah, sounded like she was putting on a fake accent, and that was the end of it. By the end of the show, India sounded like this faraway and exotic but backward country!!

Ash wasn’t the entire part of the show. There were people from Iceland, and Poland, and Saudi Arabia, sharing a little bit of their culture with the American audience. There were some really interesting things that were beginning to come up. But somehow, Oprah always seemed to bring it down to the stupidest of things. The first thing she asked to her guests was what the views on sex were. When Ash seemed like it wasn’t something that was discussed so openly, Oprah brought up the Kamasutra! The woman from Iceland was talking about how girls at age 15 do it, and how common it is to sleep with someone the first time they go out. She said “It’s not a big deal, everyone does it!” and Oprah proudly goes “Well, everyone’s doing it here too!” HAHA! So funny. Not that I am asking them not to be open about their lives, but glamorising it at the detriment of someone else, is a different thing altogether. They made it seem like being private, or even conservative, was a bad thing.

Oprah sounded patronising towards everything though. She seemed to turn up her nose at everything that was remotely different from anything American, and everything else needed her stamp of approval. The only complementary thing she spoke of was how this one Muslim woman, broke stereotypes in the Middle East, and divorced her abusive husband, getting custody of both her children. That should have been such an inspiring and feel-good story. All Oprah made of it was this: “Wow…we are so lucky to be American women. We should be truly grateful that we are American and can mould our own destiny”. OMG. The irony is that on all her more serious shows, she picks up the biggest perversions, and talks of how common they are IN AMERICA!

She sounded extremely American-supremacist. She is an influential woman no doubt and intelligent, but she came off very narrow, dismissive and provential in that episode. I couldn’t help but lose a little bit of respect for her that night.

Arangetram

2005-05-30T05:40:00.000-07:00

On the 21st of May, my cousins did their Arangetram. For those of you who don’t know, an Arangetram is a dance show that a student of dance does to present herself/himself to the world as a dancer. It’s is a big deal! And my cousins did theirs with a bang!

The show took place at Jubilee Hall, Raffles hotel. The auditorium was so elegant, and seated about 400 people. The stage was done up with a beautiful backdrop, and seats on the left for the musicians, and an idol on the right. The show started with a prayer and set the mood.

I met quite a few people I know…not just family. Some of the musicians were old friends of my mom, and many people we knew were in the audience. I was walking around in a sari, and so many people didn’t recognise me - it was so funny!

Since the two of them (Sumna and Shovna) were doing the Arangetram together, most of the items were duets – except for one solo each. I loved the two solos. Shovie’s was first. She looked like she was having so much fun! I love the enthusiasm she puts into all her dances! Sumna di’s was basically just of her playing with a ball…! It was such a cute idea! She looked so nice up there! Her costume was beautiful!

In the interval, our names were actually part of the people she wanted to thank! We were part of the thanks-for-coming-all-the-way-from-India bunch! It felt so good be named! I don’t know why, but I was really thrilled with that!!

They looked great, the audi was beautiful, and best of all…they had FUN!! Even though they have never lived in India, they have managed to keep on going with Bharathnatyam!Congratulations you guys!! I’m proud of you!

Dinner, Lunch and Final Farewells

2005-05-26T11:28:00.000-07:00

My last few days at Biopolis were the most torturous of all! Every time I would do something, I would think “Gosh! This is probably the last time I do XYZ”. And everyone – in their own way – made it so much harder!!

Last Friday, the group took me out to dinner. We left work around 6, and took two cabs to East Coast – which, turned out to be the wrong side of the island to be on for SUNSET!! We went to “Mango Tree”, this coastal Indian restaurant. The food was great, the company was great, the surrounding was great, everything was just…great! I enjoyed every minute! I got some cool pictures! And I will never be able to reach Kallang with a straight face EVER again!!

My last day was the most depressing. I had to finish up the last bits of my two reports (You guys still owe me one by the way!!!) and by 5, I had to hand over my keys and ID card! The lady I handed over my stuff to was most dispassionate about the whole thing. The place is WAY too fast and efficient! I hadn’t even been out of BII for a day, and my email was “de-activated”. It was REALLY depressing.

Saying bye to the people I’ve been around this whole time was depressing. Right up from Derek and Chandra to the lady in the little shop and the secretary who has different coloured eyes everyday…was just…depressing! (I know I’ve used that word too often, but it’s true)

Today, the DAY I was leaving, they took me to lunch – AGAIN. Yesterday, I met Sandeep in the hall, and he asked “Oh…you’re still here??”. I’m assuming he thought the dinner meant I’d be gone the next day. I said “Today is my last day, I’ll be gone tomorrow I promise!”…and there I was at BII for lunch at 12:30 this afternoon!! He must have been thinking “God! She just doesn’t LEAVE!”.
We – after A LOT of discussion - went to a pizza place! Then we had ice cream across the road at Haggen Daaz. It was so cool. I had to rush off to meet my mom at Citibank, Orchard to cash my last cheque though. I wish that last wave didn’t have to be so rushed…but it was really nice, squeezing that lunch in!!

Thanks for everything you guys! Enjoyed every moment I spent at BII! Look me up if any of you are ever in Bangalore!!

Sharing The Joy

2005-05-16T23:24:00.000-07:00

I just realised that I have just about a week left at work. I’m quite depressed about the whole thing. Work is exciting. I feel inadequate ALL the time, and it seems like everyone who speaks around me is always just a syllable away from losing me, but I enjoy every moment of it all! I think I have said that one too many times.

I’ve actually got a lot of that lately. I am working in the most amazing place in the world. I am staying with my closest friends in the world. My cousins are about to have their Arangetram and they are going to be awesome. My guide and his boss and practically everyone here are so cool and fun to be around! So I have loads of things to be happy about right now. I have never actually been so happy with EVERYTHING in my life, and lately I’ve noticed that I’m actually the only one who cares!! And those who are nice enough to pretend that they do think I’m weird. But then, since this is my blog…so there.

I never run out of stories to tell about this place. SOMETHING funny, or interesting, or confusing has always happened. One particularly eventful day, Parita, Aunty Rajni and Uncle Manu were driving home from work from Bugis. I think I talked to Parita about work the ENTIRE drive home. And by the time I realised that I was talking so much, we were home! =D But then, she is equally thrilled with her job, so she then talked to me about HER job! Not everyone is that interested though.

In one conversation with a friend, I asked what exciting plans she had for the summer. She replied “Oh! Loads of fun things planned! I’m gonna get at least 3 piercings, and cut my hair and get a completely new look! Well, I think that’s exciting. Your idea of exciting is probably reading a book.” Yeesh. So, I’ve become more conscious about talking about work now. Other people want to talk about more interesting things. Like – guys, or piercing, or what whose boyfriend bought what for her and how cute it all is. Eh. Oh well…

I guess I’ve realised that everyone has their own idea of excitement, or fun. I suppose the majority of people reading this think my job is the most boring thing on the planet…but that doesn’t make any less overwhelmingly cool for me. So, if I were to use a cliché, “to each his own”! What say you??

SO Cool!

2005-05-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

I thought that the work was finally beginning! I had the best day ever at work yesterday.

The morning was quite uneventful. I finished the whole alpha/beta structures thing. Quite interesting. Had lunch with Derek, and he decided that I should start computational chemistry. YAY! So after lunch, we went to Chandra’s office to transfer some Quanta files to his computer. That was the program that had the various protein structures. The one we wanted was P53, attached to another protein. So we put the P53 on one file, the other bit on another file, all the relevant numbers, energies etc etc on different files, and tried transferring it to Derek’s computer. The first time we tried to run it, the whole thing crashed – at least, it looked like it was crashing – and there was this skull and crossbones staring at me on the page. Derek saw my shocked expression, and he goes “Oh yea, one more thing. It almost never works the first time!” It turned out that the Hydrogen in the Histedine residues weren’t specifying which Carbon atom they were pointing towards. So we made it all HisD (pointing towards carbon delta). Then, after running it again, it turned out that there was another Histedine molecule, so we had to do it again. THEN, it turned out that the Quanta on two different computers named the carbon atoms slightly differently. So, we had to change all the deltas to epsilons. We finally got it to work the fifth time. Sounds frustrating, but it was so cool…seriously!

Basically, what (Dr.) Derek does, is this: he takes the protein structures, puts it in a solvent (on the computer) and makes it move by providing energy. Each movement has to be measured and unraveled, one NANOsecond at a time! And each nanosecond takes a day to work out! So imagine how long one SECOND would take. It’s a tedious job...and he loves it.

So we opened those copied files on his computer, and put the P53 along with the other bit in a cube of side 5 Angstrom. So now we had the protein, in its solvent. We did have to add 3 Cl- ions to neutralise the overall negative charge in the protein, but that worked out! The problem? From what I understood, the final file didn’t transfer properly, and the code isn’t working. So now, he and Sandeep have to figure out what’s wrong with the darned thing!

This entire process took till about 6 in the evening. I didn’t realise the time was flying, and since my phone picked yesterday of ALL days to die, ma was panicking. I met Parita at Bugis, and drove home at close to 7. Long day, but the best one so far!

I have to wait a week for the program to run, and give me results. Guess what I get to do till then? Read up on beta structures. Not that it isn’t interesting; it’s just getting a bit monotonous that’s all. Especially since I got all excited about starting the computing yesterday! Oh well, I’ll get down to it eventually…

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PS - Don't ask me how I know, but this is my 50th post! YAY!

Speech Fright - Again

2005-05-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Here we go all over again. This fear of public speaking seems SO darned familiar! Why does this always happen to me...! It’s worse than a valedictorian speech this time though...

I have to give a presentation on protein structure in about an hour and a half. Not looking forward to it. As it is, I hate talking in front of an audience. Now I have to talk to four BRILLIANT scientists about what they majored or PHD-ed in, and they are supposed to listen to me! Oh my God...I am going to feel so stupid. If I have understood something wrong, there will be four people who will instantly know!! If I were there talking to them about something they don’t know about...like Odissi, or something...I wouldn’t be feeling this freaked out...

Well, I guess it is better to just go and get it over with! Wish me luck...

Waqt Well Spent!

2005-05-02T19:36:00.000-07:00

Despite the fact that I’ve been working, I have had time for other things! I had a long weekend since Monday was a holiday for Labour Day, and enjoyed every minute of it!

Saturday night was Sound Of Music – the musical. We drove past Suntech city, and walked into the huge spherical building! (I later found out, that the shape is supposed to be a Durian. But sphere sounds nicer – don’t you think?) We were cutting it short with time, so we RAN!!! But my breath was really taken away when I entered the auditorium! It looked like one of those where the Oscars would be held! With the round and really high ceilings…! Aunty Rajni bought killer tickets, and we sat in the centre balcony with the best view in the place! It was awesome! The show itself matched its glamorous venue! The sets were beautiful, entrances and exits were perfect, scenes flowed perfectly and Maria was a really good actress! The music was on the dot like in the movie! I think we compared it to the movie so often that left us a bit disappointed since they had changed sequences and things like that…but as a musical, it was amazing! I had such fun watching!
Verdict – 4 stars!

Sunday morning we went and watched “Waqt”. Starring Amitabh Bachan, Akshay Kumar and Priyanka Chopra, among others. The first half was hilarious! And the second half was so sad! We ALL cried! It was so funny...we walked out all teary eyed; people were wondering what was wrong with all EIGHT of us!
Verdict – 4 stars!

The same night, we watched “Main Hoon Na” on TV! Shahrukh is so cute! I can watch that movie 200 times and not get sick of it!
Verdict – 5 stars! (Guess why?!)

Well, that was Sunday. Can you imagine? I fly overseas and go watch HINDI movies all day! And that was my weekend! Didn’t get much sleep – but I had a blast! How was your weekend???

Not Quite As Expected

2005-04-28T22:12:00.000-07:00

I can’t get over the way people are over here! It’s so cute! I think I had gross misconceptions about the kind of people scientists are…
Let me tell you what I mean…

I went down to get something to eat for lunch today, and on the way up, there was this guy in the lift. The door opened on the 7th floor for someone else in the lift. There was this Chinese lady standing outside the lift, and she goes “Going up ah?” in a really strong Singaporean accent, and in reply he said “Yes…you don’t want to go up? Why not? Come up…and then go down again!” He sounded Bengali to me but I wasn’t sure…then we both got off on the 8th floor, and since I reached the door first, I scanned the card…and I waited for him, assuming he was going to go first. He just opened the door and went “After yoooooo”. You had to be there! I thought he was really funny. So bindaas!

Later, I went down to meet my guide (who, by the way, wasn’t there) and as I was walking back, this other guy walked out whistling and clicking his heels to “Fur Elise”!!! In this quiet, scientific, air-conditioned corridor, he was whistling loudly to his heart’s content!

Even my guide’s boss! If you saw him, you’d never think he was a scientist! Let alone someone who heads the place! He has curly hair, and wears very Indian khadi kind of clothes…and looks very contented with life all the time! He has a hilarious sense of humour…and somehow makes everyone seem very much at home! He is BRILLIANT, mind you. And SO much fun to listen to!

I love the way people are on their own trips! The way they dress, talk, EVERYTHING! But the Chinese people are all professional! Whatever…the people I’m around are absolutely awesome!

The building looks overwhelmingly professional, the receptionists are all professional and can-I-help-you, even the shop keepers are all good-morning-can-I-help-you and thank-you-have-a-nice-day! Everything is all pristine. But somehow, the people make all the difference! Being here has given an entire new meaning to the phrase “Things aren’t always what they seem”…

Red For Cold...Blue For Hot?

2005-04-25T18:30:00.000-07:00

I’ve now officially been working for a week. I’m now beginning to feel a little bit of the strain…I haven’t been to well, and the working hours are hard to get used to! My friends will tell you, that I am NOT a morning person. But I have to be at work at 8:30! This wouldn’t be so bad, if the journey to work wouldn’t be 45 minutes long!! I’m up a little past dawn everyday! I’m lucky I haven’t fallen asleep on the MRT just yet. Though, this morning, the lady sitting next to me – who was practically falling on me while she was asleep – was doing enough sleeping for the both of us!

The most annoying thing though, is the weird temperature systems here!! It’s never warm when you want it to be, and never cold when you want it to be! We went to the Singapore Swimming Club on Sunday. It was SO hot outside, that we were looking forward to using the indoor pool. Ok, the water was warm. Apparently there are members who complain if the water is too cold. The Jacuzzi though, is HOT. I mean, the water was HOT! God…

Anyway, we took a dip in the Jacuzzi, and somehow after that, the pool felt pretty cold to us!! We had a blast. When we were getting out though – all wet and cold – we went to the changing rooms…which were…you guessed it – air conditioned. Oh my God I FROZE! And then of course we went home, and it was BOILING outside!

I am surviving in a very strange city…

Loony Laws

2005-04-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

This isn't really an intelligent post. It doesn't even have much of a point! But some of these were SO funny; I had to put them up here! And to think that we wonder why laws are so hard to implement! Look at these ones!

A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.

A Michigan law states that a wife's hair legally belongs to her husband.

A Blue Earth, Minnesota , law declares that no child under the age of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.

A Chicago law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

Barbers are forbidden by law from shaving a man's chest in Omaha , Nebraska.

What say you...??

And It Begins...

2005-04-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

I started work today. I was so nervous! I don’t really know why…probably because I didn’t know what to expect!

I was up at 6: 15 am (!!!) I can’t believe I managed to get up that early! Especially only on 4 hours of sleep! Anyway, I reached Biopolis at 8:30…taking a 45 minute train ride, and a bus! When I got there…I was given an orientation and a “confidentiality contract” that I had to sign! Then I found out I am actually getting paid!!!! I decided that it was highly unlikely that I would be paid…but it turns out I am getting $450 dollars a month! Awesome…

Then I was given a tour of the whole building. Shown the pantry, and the bathrooms (which are really fancy by the way…) and given passwords to the photocopy machines and stuff. Christine gave me my office stationary…and password to the official email ID (meghna@intern.bii-sg.org for those of you who want to know!) and took me to my …ahem… cubicle. I also got a temporary employee pass that I have to get scanned everytime I want to open a door!!! Oh my God, I felt so important!

Then I went and met Dr. Derek Smith who is going to be my guide. Oh my god, he is SO cool. He is this British scientist…who doesn’t look at all like one!! He is a marathon runner…and BRILLIANT! I actually understood every word he was explaining to me! I had lunch with him, and this lady who works there…Anita. It was really fun!

Right now, I am studying the subject. Finding out that protein structure is INCREADIBLY complicated! I can imagine Ms. Padma teaching us the same thing…somehow it’s cooler when I am figuring it out for myself! I have PyMol downloaded on my PC there…and I can observe 3D protein molecules in that…it is quite amazing!!

Apparently, by the end of this internship…I should be able to build a protein molecule on the computer by myself! Don’t have a CLUE how that is going to work…but we’ll see!! As of now, I AM HAVING A BLAST!

The Sacrifice

2005-04-13T22:45:00.000-07:00

Rati said she liked this one...so I guess I'm posting it for her...! Kind of depressing, this one. I need to learn how to write funny. Let me know what you guys think!

THE SACRIFICE
- Meghna

"Happy Birthday to my favourite nephew" read the envelope right at the bottom of the pile of presents I had received on my 15th birthday. I had only one thing left to open - a small white envelope from my uncle. Glancing at him, I picked up the envelope. He looked apprehensive, as if he wasn't sure what to expect. Inside the envelope I found a note:

To my nephew on his birthday,
For the last 15 years of your life you have given me immense joy. You were the closest I have ever been to having a son. You have been more to me than you can even imagine. The idea of your turning 15 reminds me that you will not be a child forever and that I must enjoy you while I can. I wish you a happy life ahead of you with nothing but success and happiness.
I am going on a month long trip on my boat to Cape Corn this Saturday. I know that you have always been interested to learn more about my life at sea, but have never been considered old enough to accompany me on a journey. As a celebration of your completing 15 years of your life, I ask you to join me to Cape Corn as your first journey at sea. Will you come with me?

The sea had always fascinated me. Just the thought of something so large and so full of life was so exhilarating. There was so much to learn about the ocean. Most people didn't even realise how much there was that we didn't know about the world beneath the surface. But I knew. And I wanted to learn more. My uncle was a sailor, and my inspiration. The only thing that kept me from spending every waking hour with my uncle on his ship was my family. My mom and dad, with good reason I suppose, thought I was too young to travel across the seas…until now. It was supposed to take us two weeks to reach Africa and two weeks to come back, after spending a week there. The days before departure were tortuous for me! But after what felt like eternity we were finally on our way.

Being out at sea was the most amazing feeling I had ever felt. I felt like I never wanted to go back. While I experienced new things, I was learning so much! Every morning, I would wake up at dawn in the top bunk of a bed in a small room I shared with my uncle. I would help with everyday chores, cook breakfast, read, watch TV…everything I did back home. But doing those same old things on the ship felt so different. The slight rocking of the ship in the water, the light breeze, the sound of the birds flying overhead…it was all simply wonderful. I felt like we were the only ones in the world! Nothing could possibly go wrong.

But it did.

It was about four 'o' clock in the morning when I was awoken by an ear-splitting noise of something coming crashing down. The seas had been rough the past few days, but we were not at all prepared for what was to come. I was told hurriedly by my uncle to stay where I was, before he ran out of the room. Those few seconds felt like they would never end. I sat in a corner of the room shivering as the ship roughly swayed from side to side, and prayed to God that everything was all right. But when my uncle ran in, his face pale, I knew that it wasn't. "Pack only what you need" he said to me. I had never heard him speak this way. Though I didn't want to, I noticed the urgency in his tone. I hurriedly picked up my bag with the precious note I had received from my uncle on my 15 th birthday, and followed my uncle, holding on to anything I could reach trying to keep myself from being thrown overboard into the rough waters. My uncle grabbed my arm and pulled me into a small boat that he had pushed overboard. I noticed him also carrying a small bag. The last thing I remember was hearing… "Abandon ship!"

How long we were out at sea, I will never know. But after that frightening night, the next thing I remember was waking up in a small wooden boat surrounded by sea. A few people had managed to get out of the ship in time and now were in the small boat with us. I prayed that others had been as lucky as we.

The storm had thrown us completely off course. My uncle had managed to grab food for the two of us. Though we were all on the same ship, the phrase "every man for himself" seemed to now be a matter of survival. There was no land in sight. None of us had any means of communication or navigation. It didn't seem to have occurred to anyone to pick up a compass or any sort of map. We were completely lost, and for the first time, my uncle couldn't say anything to make it right.

We were at sea for days. Food was growing short. There was no other means of food while shark-infested waters surrounded us. To make it all worse, land was still nowhere in sight. My uncle and I kept to ourselves in a corner of the little boat, and tried to comfort each other by assuring ourselves that we would all turn out fine. But in our heart of hearts, we both knew that our situation did not look good. Two days passed and our hope was running out. We had food left only to sustain one more person. There was no chance of my uncle and I both surviving this. But nothing could have prepared me for what my uncle did. He looked me straight in the eye with so much regret in his eyes that it shocked me. "Son," he said to me, "You have your whole life ahead of you. And even if it doesn't help much, I want you to have at least one more chance at surviving what I feel like was my fault. Please don't try and stop me from what I know I should do. I just want you to know that I love you. Always remember that. Whenever you are in trouble, think of me. And I will be there for you" At first I didn't understand what he was saying. But to my utmost shock he took out a pocketknife and cut his palm. For a second, we both watched as his wound bleed. I felt tears rush to my eyes and a lump form in my throat. I couldn't think of anything to say. All I did was lay a hand on his arm. He just looked at me, gave me a sad smile and said, "Be good." By now, the other three people on the boat were watching, speechless. My uncle smiled at me once more, before leaning backwards and intentionally falling into the ocean. The blood on his palm attracted the hunters of the sea faster than I had ever imagined. And in a minute…he was gone.

There are no words for the way I felt right then. My uncle had given up his life to give me a chance to carry on. I knew he had done this only to save me. And if I didn't survive, his death would have been in vain. My uncle was now but a memory. As tears fell down from my eyes, I took out my precious letter and ran my fingers over his small cursive handwriting. I wished that he had stayed just a while longer. At the time, I had nothing to say, and now, I felt like the only one I wanted to talk to was him. I wanted to bring him back. Even if it was for a while. The man on the other end of the boat interrupted my thoughts. Fifteen minutes after my uncle's sacrifice…

"Land Ahoy!"

What's happening??

2005-04-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

Everything is happening too fast. For the first time ever...I find myself not completely looking forward to my trip to Singapore. 5 weeks seems a bit excessive to spend away from....well, everything. Lot's of little things are bothering me...

I am actually having to study before this internship. I mean, I knew I would have to. And I wasn't exactly complaining, since it is practically completely carbon chemistry, which (for those of you who don't know) I LOVE! But I hadn't expected to find it this HARD! How come there are SO many different kinds of proteins?! Why does each of them have a completely different structure?! And more importantly, how come people in the tenth grade in Singapore do Chemistry that I don't understand?!

I am one of like 4 people who are staying back in NAFL…two of which I don’t seem to get along with too well. I am going to have a class of 25 new students! And I thought the new term is supposed to be uncomfortable for NEW students! Geez…

Actually, what it bothering me the most is what (or rather who) is not going to be there. She’s been there nine years, and for the first time, we won’t walk into school on the first day together…laughing at the ridiculous thought that someone new in OUR school might be cute. For the first time, I am going to be alone on the bus. I feel stupid really, since I seem to be the only one who is this bothered. She’s right - it’s not like we are moving to separate planets! We’ll still see each other. But I can’t help feeling like I’m leaving for Singapore on Monday, but I’m actually going away. They have each other…and I am constantly thinking about what I am missing out on. Stupid view to life I’m taking on actually. I guess the point of this whole para was this: I’m going to miss her. I got upset when I thought she was moving to Bombay…I guess it didn’t hit me that we were going to have to go our separate ways one time or another.

God, what am I doing?! I’m wallowing?! This is so unlike me!! This is not for sympathy though…just frustration that I can’t seem to understand simple carbon chemistry…and a wee bit of sadness. Just because it’s harder to let go than I thought it would be.

Finding myself

2005-04-04T11:16:00.000-07:00

This friend of mine told me to post this...Don't know how good it is, but I thought I may as well look for people's opinions. And when this friend posted her story, I figured, what the heck!

FINDING MYSELF

- Meghna

Almond eyes...round face...peach like skin - me. I was already beginning to notice the glances I attracted from people. It was my 10 birthday. I came from a poor family, my father was a farmer, and I wasn’t expecting much. But judging from the hushed whispers that came late at night from my parent’s room, I knew that they must have been planning something. I only didn’t understand why my mother would cry and my father looked so serious. But on the evening of my 10th birthday, it all made sense. My desperate parent...were going to sell me.

After living at home for 10 years...they wanted to send me away to an o-chaya. My parents wanted me to become a geisha. Only rigorous and hard training could make one a geisha. It involved exclusive training for many long years. I had a lot to give up. If I became a geisha, there would be no room in my life for a family or to pursue any career. It was a big decision. Not that my parents allowed me to make it.

At first, all I felt was fear surge through me. But I didn’t have a choice. If they wanted to send me away, there was really nothing I could do about it. After all, I wasn’t that much of a child anymore. And by my doing this I was helping my family through hard times. I had to. Even if I didn’t want to.

I spent the next five years in the preliminary training stages, and on my 15th birthday, I was made a maiko. This was an honor. A famous geisha agreed to be my older sister. I followed her to all her appointments to get to know the customers. I followed them from place to place in my long sleeved kimonos and wooden shoes, smiled charmingly at our guests and engaged them in conversation. Initially, I felt fear that the o-chaya too, like my parents, would let me down. They would turn their backs on me too and send me away to an unknown far off place. But slowly, this feeling went away, and the maikos and older geishas became my new family.

I spent the next five years training in social skills, helping with household chores, learning music and Japanese dance. And after 5 hard years I had the chance to become a geisha. I could quit if I wanted to. And I seriously considered quitting. But I had spent 7 years in the o-chaya. I had become accustomed to living governed by rules and regulations. The maikos and the geishas had become like my family. After all, I had given up my education to be a geisha and there was no scope for doing anything else. I really had no place to go. So instead of stepping into the deep abyss of the unknown world, I clung to the familiar and took the next step. I became a geisha.

The next few years were exactly as I had imagined them to be. I did the same things everyday. There is really nothing to tell. But one incident at the Teahouse changed my life forever.

I was working late one night at the Teahouse in Kyoto serving some government officials. As usual, I engaged them in charming conversation, and the maikos and I entertained them by performing for them. As we served them their meal, they began to talk about politics. They were completely comfortable in our presence, as they knew that all geishas take it as their pride to never reveal what they hear at a Teahouse.

I knew this was a special evening. Kyoto’s greatest businessman, Mr. Seki was coming to our Teahouse. He was sitting next to Mr. Yamaguchi, his closest friend. We all thought very highly of them.

As I waited in the corner in case anyone wanted anything, I overheard the conversation that would be the most important decision I would ever have to make.

Mr. Yamaguchi whispered to Mr. Seki. “Did you hear about the new automobile factory coming up?” Mr. Seki made sure that none was listening and then replied, “Yes, I have, and I have made the smartest move ever.” Mr. Yamaguchi’s eyes lit up with interest and widened as the man continued. “I have bought 500 acres of farmland in the area where the factory is planning to be built. The farmers sold it dirt-cheap. And no one else knows about the upcoming factory, so by the time they do, the industry will buy the land from me! Just think of the profits I will make!” I didn’t have much time to react since; just then, the man turned to me and said “Young lady, some more saki here please.”

I was shocked. I knew it was against geisha principles but I just had to tell someone didn’t I? These people were talking about rendering over 200 farmers and their families homeless! This kept me awake all night. There I was, a 21-year-old geisha, who was supposed to be trustworthy to everyone I served, and I was thinking about breaking age-old geisha tradition. My father was a farmer too. How could I allow such a thing to happen? I made my decision. I felt almost like my duty to those people was more important than my duty to maintain geisha tradition.

Even though the man was caught and the farmers were restored their land, I was expelled from the o-chaya. I had broken the rules of the home I belonged to and no longer had a place there. And yet, I felt happy that for the first time, I had made a decision by myself. For the first time, I had thought things out without being held back by rules or expectations.

Though I knew I should have been unhappy, even ashamed, I felt like I had been released after a long imprisonment. I realised that I had chosen to become a geisha from a maiko because I was afraid of the unknown. The name “geisha” had been more of a security blanket that I clung on to than a cage holding me back. And as I took my first step into the world as a woman, I realised that the world was mine for the taking. I had nothing holding me back. And with my determination and hard work, I could make it.

But first I had to find myself...

Ad-venture!

2005-04-03T23:09:00.000-07:00

I would really love to get into the field of advertising! It seems like such an exciting field...! Some of the advertisements on TV nowadays leave alot to be desired these days, though don't they?

Have you watched any of those hair care product ads these days?? There are an incredilble number of shampoos, conditioners, gels and whatnot that are guaranteed to keep your hair straight, shiny and black for all eternity. But the ads all seem to hae the same theme - this person A has dandruff, or oily hair, or white hair, and a close friend B notices, and suggests the use of the product in question. A few days of use of this product by person A, and voila! Problem solved! This all very nice indeed. The only thing that don't get is the fact that person A's face is already on the container of the product in the commercial. Wouldn't it make more sense if person B's face were on the container?! After all, it is B swearing by the product!!

There are so many ads that are just plain silly...but some are realy fun to watch! Sometimes evem more so than whatever it is was that we were watching. The new "Oye Bubbly" campaign for Pepsi is so cute! It's nice to see one's favorite star on screen endorsing something one actually uses! One of my favourite new ads is the new India V2 ad - There is this guy sitting around with his friends. He claims that he was proposed to by Katrina Kaif. This boxing glove comes out of nowhere and punches him in the face. Same thing happens when he claims to wrestle man-eating tigers at a job interview. Ditto when he says he owns a aircraft. And the entire ad continue like that till he is in a suit in a car showroom talking about how wonderful the new Indica V2 is. After praising it to the skies, he looks around expectantly for the boxing glove, but none comes! Then we see the car, and hear a voice over saying "The Indica V2. More car per car"!
It is so cute! Love that ad.

Yes, there are more stupid ads than nice ones...but TV wouldn't be half as entertaining without the occasional giggle at Tendulkar's voice saying "Boost is the secret of my energy!" or the laughs at the loud Close-up "Kya aap Close-up karte hai-eee" ! I have my list of favourite ads on TV!! What are yours???

Page 3

2005-03-31T09:46:00.000-08:00

I just watched Page 3. It was a really eye-opening film. I was really shocked to realise what a protected shell I have been living in.

The movie was basically structured around a page 3 journalist. Konkona Sen plays Madhavi, an intelligent and genuine journalist, who covers socialite parties, becomes unsatisfied with the pointlessness of the stories she is made to write. Wanting to make a difference through her writing, she convinces her editor to give her a different column. Now, as a crime journalist, with the help of a colleague, she uncovers a huge child abuse story.

That’s the peripheral story. What gets portrayed in the movie however, is the hard truth of the life of the rich and famous. Every time a story would break exposing anyone, money would exchange hands, a few phone calls would be made and a retraction would be printed, or an apology made. It felt terrible to watch how a stars son’s birthday party made headlines, while a good book or a homeless child shelter would go unnoticed. Every possible distressing thought – betrayal, suicide, attempts at suicide, child abuse, drug use, abortions – was all packed into a 2 hour film. It’s not like I didn’t know such things existed, but all of it thrown at you at one go…

The film, as a film, of course was amazing. Konkona Sen did an wonderful job – as usual. Nice soundtrack, nothing remotely fake about the characters. It was a very real and well made film, I thought.

What disturbed me most though was how the movie ended. All the gory details shown to us, nothing happened! None of the guilty were exposed…those with money continued to get away with, murder…and the innocent who are victims of their ways are ultimately forced to change! That’s what made me wonder about the point of the film. After all, nothing was solved. It seemed a bit harsh a movie to be solely for awareness.

I think that every child – or teenager in my case – at one point at least, has this fantasy of doing what he/she loves on a stage, adored by people. I have secretly always thought about how great it would be to be all glitter and gold, singing, dancing or acting my way through life…and loving every minute of it. This movie crushed that fantasy. I don’t know if that is a bad thing or a good thing. No matter how big the passion, I don’t think I – or anyone for that matter – can be expected to handle that world. I hope that I am lucky enough to stay as far away from it as possible.

Lyrics - Whatever Happened To Them??

2005-03-29T08:50:00.000-08:00

Have you noticed that songs these days are so…wrong? It’s like all originality has died! There are either remixes…or elocution teamed with very intelligent usage of rhythm! Musicians seem to have forgotten good old melody! Anyways, it is more lyrics that bother me.

Lyrics nowadays can be nice…but for fun! None of them seem to actually make sense these days. The king of all lyrics has to be Cat Stevens! I love the song ‘Longer Boats’. Though the beauty of the lyrics in that song lies in its implications. Another song whose lyrics I really loved was ‘Boxer’ by Simon and Garfunkel. These are both old songs, but look them up sometime! The lyrics really are beautiful.

“I am just a poor boy and my story’s seldom told
I’ve squandered my resistance for a pocketful of mumbles, such are promises.
All lies and jest, still the man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest.”
(Boxer, Simon and Garfunkel)

I have rarely come across lyrics that I can relate to! I did come across one today though. It is kind of depressing – before people start yelling at me for liking them – but they are SO true!!

“Such kehe raha hai deewana
Dil, dil na kisi se lagana.
Jhute hai yaar ke vade sare…
Jhute hai pyar ke kasme!
Maine har lamha, jise chaha kise pucha,
Usi ne yaaro mera dil, toda, toda
Tanha, tanha choda!”

Ok…very depressing! But it’s a nice song! (Sorry to those who didn’t understand the quote above…I’ll explain it to you if you are really interested!)

I wish that along with melody and harmony, beat and rhythm and dance music, lyrics of songs would make more sense. How long can someone listen to swearing anyway?

Passion-able!

2005-03-28T05:44:00.000-08:00

I’ve spent the last few days at the India - Pakistan cricket match! Seriously, watching a match on TV and actually being there are so completely different! I was sitting in P4…the Desimator stand (!!), SIX feet away from Irfan Pathan! My thrill on seeing a cute player aside, what hit me most was the power that passion for cricket brought together SO many people! There must have been at least 20 thousand people there. I myself saw businessmen, artists, drummers, auto-drivers and students! God knows how many other kinds of people were there! And somehow, when a wicket fell…it didn’t matter squat who was who! A Pakistani wicket was a Pakistani wicket and that’s all that mattered! Suddenly, these prim and proper businessmen in their suits and ties, had the tri-colour painted on their faces, and were on their feet cheering Kumble right on! And just like them, even our stand security guards shared that same thrill!

It’s really only that kind of passion that brings together so many people! It’s not just restricted to sports, nor only to India. Be it a single interest, a single cause or even one country helping another out during a time of need, the only thing people of a world this big have in common is passion – in anything! Being diverse and multi-cultural is all well and good…but it’s important to remember that intrinsically, as people, we are all really the same.

Back With A Bang

2005-03-24T08:01:00.000-08:00

Oh my God
They are actually over. All that work…and its now finally over!
I don’t want to talk about them though!! I have so much to be happy about right now!!

Happy Thing Number 1. My board exams are over!! I am actually wondering what my new purpose in life is going to be!! I feel kind of empty! I finished the last paper with about half an hour to spare…and I was looking around the room – trying to find a glimmer of ANY sort of emotion that it was over – and all I could think was “Man! I am NOT going to miss this place!!

Happy Thing Number 2. I have been free only 8 hours…and I have already had so much fun! Spent the day with friends – late lunch, shopping, bowling and archade-ing! I’d forgotten that being with Rati and Su doesn’t always mean Math and Physics!!

Happy Thing Number 3. The internship in Singapore worked out!! I do have to work…but I get to work for 6 weeks in a top-level biotech firm in SINGAPORE! I am going to part of a “computational structural modeling” course…don’t ask, I haven’t found out yet…all I know is that it has something to do with protein structuring…!! Call me a dork…but I’m excited!

Happy Thing Number 4. I can actually sit down with my Mom and Dad for reasons BESIDES doubts I need cleared! (Though my parents have been absolute Angels during these past few months!!) We actually have other things to talk about besides exams!!

Happy Thing Number 5. I have something fun planned everyday! Starting today…duh. And I get to watch the match tomorrow! I hope we kill them…though 300 something for TWO??? Gah…

Happy Thing Number 6. I actually can get back to blogging…! Something new to post tomorrow…and seeing my new competition…I wonder if my ‘points’ will make any sense!

Over and out!

2005-02-27T10:24:00.000-08:00

Yea, I am really beginning to freak out now. About time really. Board exams are actually here! I am actually going to sit and do them! Yikes…I didn’t think I’d ever get to this point! ICSE exams start day after tomorrow (good luck Deepthi, Pranav, Rohan, Sid, and everyone else taking the exam!) and mine start on Thursday. Oh God, I am freaking out typing this – those of you wondering what on EARTH I am doing posting, I am on a legitimate break! Contrary to what you might be thinking, this post DOES have a point. I’m, obviously, not going to post for about a month. I think NOW I should take things seriously!
Well…till the 24th…this is me signing off!
Over and out

Top sixers!

2005-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

I didn’t start off thinking this would be so hard to do…but seriously…you should try it. It’s fun really. Think of what your six most favourite Hindi and English movies would be. Here are mine – for the time being anyway – in random order. Let me tell you now…I am a bit biased when it comes to certain actors!

HINDI
1. Swades (Shahrukh at his best. Ashutosh Gwalikor is a brilliant director. AR Rehman’s music…enough said! There are parts of this movie that could be in an art film!) Down point: What down point?? It is a SHAHRUKH movie!!! Verdict: 5 stars!
2. Lagaan (Aamir Khan literally held a practically unknown cast together brilliantly! By the end of the movie the entire hall was shouting and cheering! Very entertaining movie indeed!) Down point: since the movie is so long, it’s hard to want to watch this movie more than once. Verdict: 4 stars!
3. Padosan (Starring Saira Banu, Kishore Kumar, Sunil Dutt and Mehmood, this is by far the funniest Hindi move ever created! With fun songs, and some hilarious scenes, this movie is a must-see for people wanting brainless fun! Down point: The story’s end is quite silly. The fun is in the first 75% of the movie. Verdict: 4 stars!
4. Chupke Chupke (Hilarious! Amitabh Bachan, Sharmilla Tagore, Dharmendra and a whole lot of other people…all pretending to be someone else! Great plot, nice story and hilarious dialogues! Great job Amit ji!) Verdict: 4 stars!
5. Hungama (This is the closest to PG Wodehouse I have ever seen a Hindi movie get! The plotline is brilliant! Simply brilliant!) Down point: the songs are quite sad really. Verdict: 4 stars!
6. Main Hoon Na (Another Shahrukh movie! Patriotism and his typical Shahrukh humour totally hooks the audience! I couldn’t stop laughing at the hall!) Down point: It did get a bit silly at points, I think that knitting teacher could have toned down the dramatics) Verdict: 4 and half stars!

ENGLISH
1. My Fair Lady (“You will earn much better with the Lord if you learn not to offend his ears!”) Down point: Kind of long. It is annoying to watch this movie with someone who is impatient! Verdict: 5 stars!
2. Oscar (I’ve only seen this one once. The main character Oscar, never actually comes onto the screen. Lovely plot, hilarious outcomes! Money getting mixed up with underwear all the time!!) Verdict: 4 stars!
3. A Few Good Men (“You can’t handle the truth!”I love good court scenes! Intelligent lawyers vs. each other! Gripping plotline! Helps that the lawyer was Tom Cruise!) Down point: None whatsoever! Verdict: 5 stars!
4. Notting Hill (Hugh Grant love story! Enough said!) Down point: I have never seen the beginning of this movie! Verdict (nonetheless): 4 stars!
5. Die Another Day (Thrilling movie! I love the whole Bond character! Pierce Brosnan is definitely the best James Bond! “You were expecting someone else?”) Down point: Hmmm… Verdict: 4 stars!
6. Laws of attraction (Cute…! She said “You wouldn’t want to be married to someone like me” and he said “How do you know?” Aww) Down point: This moives drags at points… Verdict: 4 stars!

These are mine…! What are yours??

Baiting and Debating

2005-02-17T10:25:00.000-08:00

I have visited quite a few blogs and live journal accounts lately.

Apart from a few exceptions actually...everyone’s life seems to suck! Have any of you noticed how so many people seem to glamorise unhappiness? “My life is so sad” “Nobody understands me” “I have no one to talk to”. Explain something to me...is it considered cool to be slightly messed up??

People could be justified in cribbing about their problems. After all, it’s their blog right? Why should other people’s opinions matter? But isn’t constant cribbing a reinforcement of unhappiness? There is just something very irritating about having to read a website filled with posts about how sad life is. Yes, cribbing is a natural outlet to frustration (I’ve indulged in it myself!). But when it is done all the time...isn’t sympathy of the readers often turned into annoyance?

Those who don’t rip apart their own lives, seem to be ripping apart other people’s lives. Usually employing baseless sarcasm, any personality alien to one’s own is torn to shreds, without actually making a point. To an extent, I will admit it can be entertaining, but such posts only seem to establish that the writer considers himself/herself superior to those who don’t think the way they do.

I am glad that I know people who are capable of participating in an abstract debate through their writing. I think I’d go nuts if I didn’t know these blogs. I’d much rather have discussions than indulge in individual cribbing...what say you?

Pride of prejudice?

2005-02-13T04:01:00.000-08:00

How many of us can honestly say that we are completely free of prejudice? This whole environment of “acceptance” and being “politically correct” or “forward thinking” how much of it is just talk and how much has substance?

My friends and I were talking about a performance we once saw, by quite a famous Odissi dancer – or rather, how bad it was. We particularly dislike this dancer, but I can’t help but think that the performance would seem less terrible, if the dancer were a woman.
In my dance class, all three batches together have about 25 students – out of which 2 are guys. Perhaps with the exception of Birju Maharaj and Kelucharan Mohapatra, I have to admit that I have a slight mind block against male classical dancers.

As far as the topic of stereotypes goes, I have 2 questions:
1) As opposed to being ‘open-minded’, is being conventional a bad thing?
2) How truly free from prejudices are we?

Graduation

2005-02-11T21:46:00.000-08:00

Well...it’s over. We graduated tonight. I don’t know why, but I felt slightly silly up there. I didn’t feel old enough to have had to do that...

The whole process started off at about 12 in the afternoon...we went to Aunty Shenaz’s and then to Spratt. It’s a nice place – kind of made our hair look very artificial...but by the time we had to go to school it was looking more normal – all fancy! Rati, Sucheta and I walked in to school a whole 45 minutes late...thank you very much...and found all our classmates and seniors al dressed up! It was really strange seeing everyone in saris and suits and styled hair...!

The function/show/ceremony (whatever) was nice...we were really uncomfortable on that weird stage they made us sit on...but everyone had nice things to say. My speech went off surprisingly well...I didn’t make an idiot out myself! Well, not as much as I had expected I would anyway.

Uncle Ravi was one of the parents who spoke. And Tejas’ mom was the other. Everyone was talking about our future, how the decisions we make now can change our lives, and about how the next few years are formative and crucial. I don’t think I could completely fathom the entire situation. When I was in the second grade, and I was watching Bushan and Sonali and all graduate, they all looked a lot older than I feel!

Anyway, after the formal thing, we all went out and took SO many photographs! I hugged people I barely have even spoken to! Everyone was in such a good mood. Karuna and Sarisha were there. Parents I have never spoken to said things like “We’ve enjoyed watching you”. It was kind of nice…kind of strange.

All in all, it was a nice evening. It felt good to be considered special…but I still don’t feel any different…am I supposed to???

Fun fusion

2005-02-05T10:02:00.000-08:00

Today would have been Vasanthhabba. So I am feeling a bit blah. I keep thinking about what I was doing exactly a year ago! There was so much excitement there around now last year. And then I think about what I am doing instead! It is just a wee bit depressing. But I guess I’ll be doing the whole thing again next year...

I did however; spend the evening at quite an interesting concert. Norway is celebrating there 100th year of independence, and in celebration, there was a concert of both western classical music and Indian classical music at Ambedkar Bhavan.

The evening started off with a couple of pieces of classical western music. Mozart and the like from Norway. The violinists were so skillful! I have never seen people with that much control over their instruments! There was also a segment of completely Indian music with L Balasubhramaniam and his son - that kid was adorable! I can’t believe a child that young could play as well as he did - and Sandeep Das on the Tabla! As usual, he was completely awesome! Our very own Grammy nominee (look at me...fond niece)! But he really was amazing! The various different percussionists were definitely the best part of the show!

Kavitha Krishnamurty was there to perform as well...and she sang two songs. She has an amazing voice. Such control over her scales...it’s scary to think about the amount of training behind that talent!

The finale was a big combination of the Norwegian violinists and the Indian musicians. It kind of seemed like the western musicians were background music to Kavitha Krishnamurthy, so that was kind of sad. It didn’t seem fair to put such talented and skilled musicians as a background to her voice. But all in all, it had a beautiful effect.

I thoroughly enjoyed myself! I suppose, in a little way, that evening of culture made up for Habba’s absence??

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thanks for organizing the passes Kaku!

Speech fright

2005-01-29T02:35:00.000-08:00

We graduate in exactly thirteen days and I have been asked to be valedictorian. I kind of assumed our class valedictorian would be Rati. I have no idea of what to say. I was counting on just sitting there in a sari. I am going to make such an idiot out of myself. What am I going to say?! I can’t make speeches!

I really envy people who can speak well in public. I’m not a disaster or anything, but somehow saying a practiced elocution piece and talking from the heart to an audience are two different things. I don’t want to sound fake, and yet, I think that if I say all of what I want to say, I’ll be there all night. I don’t want to bore people, and I wonder if my memories are really worth their time. Are my feelings really what they are going there to hear? Somehow I don’t think so. So how do I say what I want to say without sounding fake, without going on forever, without boring people, and speak on behalf of twenty other people?!

I really don’t think I am cut out for this. Anyone out there who is? Your suggestions are more than welcome!

Fighting a losing battle

2005-01-27T08:41:00.000-08:00

Studying at home...all I did was look at the clock for a second.

- I never read the clock in the TV room right...especially during math class!
- Speaking of which, I actually managed to get an 86% in math.
- I still have to max math though, considering what my French results are going to be like!
- Ms. Aneela was actually telling me not to drop physics today...
- But I can’t handle another two years of physics. I’ll die.
- Maybe PUC would be better.
- But friends who are doing PUC are not having it easy either.
- Shwetha just messaged me.
- I think Shwetha did PUC
- She actually got the inner part of her ear pierced! That must have hurt!
- Jala wants to get her navel pierced. She is actually trying to get me to do it too!
- My parents would have a fit! =D
- Didn’t Christina Aguilera get something even weirder pierced though?
- She has a nice voice...but what has she done to herself?!
- But then, some people look like real idiots and sing really well!
- Look at Clay Aiken when he started off!
- Gunnu really likes him!
- I wonder how she and everyone in Singapore are...
- I hope my internship there works out!
- I have to get good grades if I want to work there someday!
- And I should probably start now...!

This is why I can’t study! I get distracted WAY too easily!

Wanna be

2005-01-26T00:13:00.000-08:00

I recently saw an interview on MTV with Jay Sean. That guy from the Rishi Rich Project? ‘Maina Tere Nal Nachna’ was the first of their songs I heard (Not bad actually, interesting mix of bhangra and rap). Now, Jay Sean has emerged as a solo artist. Can’t say I think much of him though...

During the interview, he had this really strong British accent. But not the educated one that one can listen to forever. (Like Hugh Grant!) He has a very I-really-want-to-sound-cool accent. He used the phrase “Ya know wha’m sayin’” like 80 times! It gets annoying after a while, but one learns to accept it, since apparently the guy didn’t grow up Indian. Later though, he was asked how his family felt when they saw him on screen. He was all “They are shit proud of me man, I mean my grandma tells all her friends...” and out of the blue, he starts quoting his grandmother in a flawless Punjabi accent! Something about that smooth transition really put me off.

Now, I don’t personally know Jay Sean. But even through the interview, he came off a very fake person. Where does he (or anyone like him) place himself? Neither is he completely Indian, nor is he completely British. He is trying to make it in a foreign world, with a put on personality.
There are more such people nowadays. Look at Raghav (whose song starts with an old Hindi film song) and Rouge! They are so confused. I’m not saying that Indian singers shouldn’t try to be successful abroad, but I wish they would take one image and stick to it!

Scary

2005-01-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

Suicide is a scary thing isn’t it? My mom is a lecturer at MCC...and she sees cases of girls hanging themselves from the ceiling almost every year. And for such stupid reasons! Why would anyone push themselves that far? What could possibly be that bad? Seriously, the fact that you failed your exam, your boyfriend dumped you, or Hritik Roshan got married is NOT reason enough to take your own life!

Oddly enough, people’s hearts fill up with sympathy when they hear of suicide cases. I have no sympathy for them though. I don’t know if that makes me cold hearted or what...but I still don’t.
For one thing, it is a weak thing to do. It shows that you can’t handle your problems, and that you buckled under pressure. But more importantly, suicide is so insensitive. How can a person be so selfish and be completely unaware of who’s lives they affect by their actions?
Take this one girl for example...she was having an online relationship with this guy. After a month, he told her that he thought they should stop talking. A couple of weeks later, she hung herself. And without a thought of anyone else. Her parents were traumatised, her classmates were traumatised, and that guy must have died inside!

We need to be strong from within, and like someone told me, don’t give a damn and it can’t bother you. I hope that by seeing people like that girl, and how they affect those around them, we can have the strength not to be like them, and be the strength for those who are.

No sympathy for them though...what do you think?

Clueless

2005-01-18T00:07:00.000-08:00

I hate this. Life is just so hard sometimes. Especially when you don’t have anyone to talk to about it. I mean, some things you can’t talk about to your mom and dad right? And even if you can, what’s the point? The way I see it, the only possible outcome of talking about your problems is getting more depressed, getting the person you are talking to depressed, or getting the person you are talking to angry. You never get anything solved. Everyone says, “Talk about your problems! It will make you feel better!” I don’t believe that. It can’t be true. How can you feel better, if all that is different is the fact that you aren’t depressed alone anymore?

And then there are those people who keep saying, “What’s wrong? I hate seeing you so down.” If they can’t figure it out themselves...then maybe they weren’t meant to at all! And if they have something to do with it, why is it always so alien to them?
It is so hard to find someone who you can talk to without always having on your mind “God...I hope I’m not leaving a bad impression!” Is there really anyone out there who doesn’t care?!

Dealing with disappointment

2005-01-17T04:47:00.000-08:00

Habba has been cancelled. Just like that. I suppose it is for a good reason, but still...

Sunday morning, and I was up at 8 am, after sleeping at around 1am the night before. Why? Because I wanted to study, so I could afford to go for rehearsal. Exhausted though I was, I looked forward to class. Nandita and I had both more or less decided to give Habba a miss this year, and had decided THIS SUNDAY to go ahead and perform! Pavithra di knew I am in the middle of exams, so she took me aside and said “If you are here for rehearsals for Habba, then you don’t have to stay. Habba has been cancelled this year. So if you want, you can go home and study.”

I feel deflated. There is actually no better word for me to use. I was really looking forward to being part of Habba again. Nrityagram was the last bit of surviving excitement in my life, and now even that is more or less gone.
Today, after the social studies exam, we were talking about how amazing our math marks are going to have to be for us to have an aggregate of 90%+...I was going to say that I needed to max it...but then I thought, why? It doesn’t actually matter anymore. The only reason I wanted to do well in prelims was so I’d be able to do Habba, and now that it wont happen anyway, my motivation seems to have somewhat evaporated.

The reason: sponsors have withdrawn. All three major sponsors have decided to give the money to the Tsunami Relief Fund. It’s a great cause. It really is. And people are dying. It’s not like our dance festival is more important than that. And yet, I can’t help but feel disappointed...

Noldo and netspeak

2005-01-15T10:22:00.001-08:00

For some reason...the 'Silmaril' link didn't allow me to post! So, I'm posting here...maybe this will actually start a conversation?!

Because Noldo Hates Netspeak
I can’t say I like netspeak, but I think you over did it a bit. For one thing, no one uses 3s instead of ‘e’s! And that first verse is grossly exaggerated!

In any case, is language to remain static?! Spelling changes, grammar changes, and word usage changes. It's all part of growth. These 'Americanisms' that people seem to protest at these days, are actually closer to Elizabethan english than the english spoken in Britain today - like the usage of the word 'mad' for 'angry'.

Look at Chaucer's writing! He is considered the 'Father of modern writing', and just look at his spellings! The words are spelt differently today from the way Chaucer had spelt them in the 12th century, and this difference is an inevitable progress towards simplification. So why are we so intolerant about changing 'you' to 'u'?

Apart from all that, every medium has an appropriate style of writing. And just as the net has grown into a world of its own, so has the language used in it. The problem arises when people confuse one style for another. Disscussing school over MSN messenger is one thing, and writing a critical analysis of Sylvia Plath is another.

The net is the way it is largely thanks to its separate style. It has its own formalities (or lack of it) and formats depend on who is meant to read it. The problem is not with the netspeak, but with people who don't know where to use it.
What say you?

You read for fun?!

2005-01-11T21:22:00.000-08:00

Measuring out life in coffee spoons…
That’s my present screen name on MSN messenger. You will not BELIEVE the questions I have got about this screen name!

(For those of you who don’t know, it is a line from a poem called ‘The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock’ by TS Eliot. The context in which the line is in – I don’t know about the rest of you but – I loved it! It just wakes your mind up! It’s one of lines that make you go hmmm…)

But apparently, not everyone thinks so...
- What’s with the screen name?!
It’s a line from a poem.
- From your English textbook?
No...just a poem I read.
- You mean you read poems for fun?
Erm...yea

It’s hilarious how out of touch people can be. But I guess reading and writing are things I consider fun, and other people have their respective things. But still, how out of it can you be?! Even our NAFL day this year has a glimpse of such a train of thought: This one girl plays this bimbo-only-loves-to-shop type ostrich (everyone plays an animal...the whole thing is set in a jungle!).
Everyone is talking about Charles Darwin. And someone asks, “Who’s he?!”
The ‘head of the jungle’ answers “He wrote ‘Roots’...I think”
To this, the bimbo-ostrich says “No no! That was Charles Dickens!”
It’s quite funny, in a silly kind of a way. Of course, we are assuming that the audience knows who Alex Haley is.

I have kind of started using lines of nice poems as my screen names, but I have found like 2 people who understand them...
The next one I was considering is:
“True wit is nature to advantage dressed,What oft was thought, but ne'er so well expressed”

I don’t know what kind of reactions I am going to get! Someone asked me who said it, and when I said Alexander Pope, she wanted to know whether the Pope’s name really was Alexander!

- You read for fun?!
Uh, yea! Doesn't everyone?!

Tidal wave

2005-01-06T04:11:00.000-08:00

Words don't work sometimes...so I'm trying something different this time.

SAFE IN MY INLAND HOME…

Looking out the window,
Behind strong grilles, safe in my inland home…
My outstretched hands feel heavy droplets
Trickle down my fingertips.
The water brings frightful thoughts to mind…
And the droplets seem to sting my palm,
As the tortured cry of childless mothers fill my head.

Looking out the window,
Behind strong grilles…safe in my inland home
I breathe in deeply and take in the smell,
Of the wet soil.
Somewhere the ground shakes violently,
And wells up with hot salty tears…
As horrific visions disturb my peace.

Looking out the grilled window,
I think of those who have watched their lives being washed away.
We talk about food and clothes and drinking water,
But who will pay for broken hearts?

Two fingers snap me back to reality.
I swallow the lump at the back of my throat,
And smile.
For tomorrow is another day.

2005 - Bring it on!

2005-01-02T09:26:00.000-08:00

It’s a whole new year. How come I had so much more time in the ninth grade?! The year seemed longer then. 2004 has come and gone. Just like that. And so much has happened. For me, and around the world.

10 Things That I Hadn’t Expected To Happen

1. I am even more confused than ever
2. George Bush won the election (and so did Sonia Gandhi)
3. India lost an ODI cricket match to BANGLADESH
4. I did an all-India Odissi exam
5. A player died on the soccer field
6. I’m actually bordering on finding Geometry interesting
7. I’ve decided I don’t like Coleridge
8. My views on friendship have drastically changed
9. I have the next two years planned out three months in advance
10. A giant wave wiped out 150 thousand people in Asia, says before the new year

There is no way we know what to expect in 2005. I, for one, have exams till the 22nd – starting tomorrow – so I know that the next month at least is going to be extremely hectic. But phir kya hoga kisko patha…
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Christmas

2004-12-25T06:27:00.000-08:00

I’m not quite sure why I’m excited. I guess it’s just the festive feeling everywhere. Not being Christian, I don’t actively celebrate Christmas, but for some reason I can’t help but feel slightly lifted during this time.

This year, as usual, we went to the MCC convent to wish the sisters there. I love going there. Not just because I am pampered there – I AM! But that’s not why I love it there! It’s always quiet, though never has it been said that one isn’t allowed to talk. Trees surround the 56-year-old building, and there is never a time when there won’t be a cat or a dog around you – but then again, all of MCC is like that.
We took a cake with us, and we went in to see this huge spread of Christmas goodies spread out before us! Rose cookies, Christmas wine, pastries, and the best plum cake in the world! And I don’t even LIKE plum cake! It was SO stupid of us to have had breakfast before going!

When we had eaten all we could, met all the sisters, said hi to all the cats, and made sure Kutty wasn’t eating any birds…we went and sat in the chapel. The moment you walk in there, you feel different. I went in there alone, while the rest of my family was still talking to Sister Jesuina. There was a nativity visible just inside. The alter was decorated with baskets of fresh flowers. It was only 11 in the morning, and they had already received something like 10 flower baskets! It’s such a calm place; I just sat there till Sister Jesuina joined us. Without a word, she placed a hand on my head, and said a prayer. Out loud. Addressed to the Lord; thanking him for everything. She then said a special prayer…for me. I can’t get myself to type out what she said. She just prayed for me, for my exams…I just can’t get over it.

Going there gave me such satisfaction. I actually felt motivated to study…knowing that there are people at the convent praying for me.
I left feeling so choked up…I didn’t say a word on the way home.

You atheists don’t know what you are missing…

Srishti

2004-12-21T05:57:00.000-08:00

Srishti had their graduation day yesterday. Since Sucheta’s mom teaches there, she was going anyway, and invited me to go along. My mom had also been invited separately since she’s HOD at the communications department at MCC. So Sucheta, her family, my mom and I went for the Srishti graduation show.

The art college is just near Aditi. It is huge large campus. Calm and beautiful. The place just radiates creativity. It has an amphitheatre kind of stage, the audience to be seated on stone, at the end of a large field.
Just as you walk in, there is a huge wall with a Madhubani mural. In fact, all over the college, there are murals. Every wall, every pillar, has some sort of artwork on it. What would have otherwise been an unremarkable corridor suddenly lights up. By the time you have walked in, there is no doubt that it is an art college.

The entire place had different things to see.
The graduating students had done projects on topics they had picked themselves – some on what they did on an internship, or a concept they wanted to pursue, or an issue that concerned them. I had gone there with an expectation of it being slightly pretentious, I must admit, but I was surprised to see the enthusiasm and effort put into some of those projects.
One girl, for example, had created this small corner of a room for furniture that she had designed. The chair and the table that she had designed were, she said, inspired from origami. The whole table and chair set is foldable! It was so cool! She had also designed a construction kit for children that starts with two basic shapes and gets built up to a complicated dome! It is amazing! She combines her love for design with her love for geometry!

But there were others, whose projects were quite pretentious. I found, in many places, that people just forced symbolism into things. I mean, pick up anything – anything – and it can be philosophical or a metaphor for something else! That doesn’t mean that one makes everything sound more fancy by forcing a philosophical meaning onto it.
There was this “contemporary” dance that we saw – I only saw one, apparently the ones later were a lot better – that was basically a girl in an elastic white tube. She never came out of it; she just kept stretching her hands and face through the material. There is a very fine line beyond which abstract art loses meaning. After a point, it stops being abstract art, and starts being just weird. Generally, contemporary dance leaves you awestruck; wondering how someone can move that way. But seeing this one, I simply found myself wondering “What is she doing?!”

Apparently the band was amazing! I never got to see them since I left too soon! But all in all the evening was quite cool. I met some really committed and interesting people, and got to see a place that lived on art and creativity. It was a world quite alien to me, but it was interesting to get a glimpse of it. It was nice to see that there are places that nurture this talent as well.

Short breather?

2004-12-17T09:57:00.000-08:00

My first prelims are over! YAY!
I’m not quite sure why I am celebrating…it’s not like I’m getting a break! I get back to work starting tomorrow! We have one more set of prelims starting on the 3rd, practicals on the 10th, and then the last prelims starting on the 13th!! I hate the 10th grade! I can’t wait till this whole year is over, and I get to be stressed out by subjects I CHOSE to do!!

At lunch today, just before our practical exam, and just after the 12th grade’s biology/computer science exam, we were talking about who has it harder…us, or the twelfth-graders…
Obviously, we both thought our own situations were worse. But then, Hemanth went “Well…at least you only have three hours of practicals!”
Uh, YIKES?! They have three hours for EACH prelim! My God…sometimes I wonder if the people in the CBSE board have children! Adolescent years are the most fun my foot!! Now I don’t even know whether I want to get out of 10th grade or not, because it looks like it doesn’t get any better!! We finish tenth, only to this whole thing all over again in the twelfth!
Why do we even bother?!

Go Barino!

2004-12-15T05:53:00.000-08:00

I just saw the American Idol Home For Christmas concert on star world. Oh my God! What voices those three have!

Most people find it really funny that Fantasia cries every time she sings a moving song. I think it is amazing. Even during the competition…she was so into it! She was literally in tears after “Sunrise”. That song is so difficult! Especially if you want to do it right. And boy did she. She is an amazing singer! I think the singer whose songs are easiest to butcher is Whitney Houston. To sing her songs, you either have the voice, or you don’t. You can’t just sing her song ‘adequately’. It doesn’t work that way. But Fantasia…wow! She sang Whitney Houston’s ‘Believe’ and added her own little bits…and it didn’t sound bad at all! Jasmine on the other hand…yeesh! Don’t attempt songs you can’t handle!

That kind of talent is hard to come across! At anything! Like Bijoyini di’s dance, (If you’ve read my blog before, you’d know how in awe of her I am…) Sucheta’s art, Rati’s writing, Aveek’s poetry, Deepthi’s ability to solve ANY math problem…
And these are just people I KNOW!
There is no dearth of talent! It is just really hard to find it!

Veer - Zaara

2004-12-14T01:49:00.000-08:00

His best movie yet. I realise that I say that every time I see a new Shahrukh movie…but anyway
This movie was so cute! Hindustani squadron leader Veer Pratap Singh (played by Shahrukh Khan) falls in love with Pakistani Zaara (played by Preity Zinta)! But of course – like any other Hindi film – Zaara is getting married to someone else! (Ji haan! Is kahani mein twist bhi hai!) Zaara’s marriage however, is very important for her father’s political career. So Zaara’s fiancé blackmails Veer by saying as long as Veer stays in jail, he will keep Zaara happy, but the moment he steps out of jail, Zaara’s life will become hell. So he signs the document pretending to be someone else, while to rest of the world, Veer Pratap Singh is dead.
Now, Rani Mukherjee is Shahrukh’s lawyer. And she hears the story about their love and fights in court for justice.

You have to go watch to movie to find out how it ends. It’s adorable. The end was a bit much; the whole happiness of being reunited a bit too long drawn…but it was cute. Romantic-patriotic-tragedy I’d say!

But the thing that struck me the most about the movie was its diverse star cast! I mean, just look at it: A Muslim (Shahrukh), playing a Hindu…Hindus (Preity and Kirron Kher) playing Muslims…there was even a Parsi (Boman Irani) playing a Muslim (Priety’s father)! I can’t understand the fact that even with the kind of film industry that we have, we still have religious problems in this country! The biggest names in the film industry are Muslims…Shahrukh Khan, Aamir Khan, Nasauddin Shah, Farookh Sheik…and interestingly, they all have (or had) Hindu wives! Almost every part of our society watches Hindi films. If Hindi films have such an influence on us as a country, why is it that despite the amount India has gained from Muslims, some sections of Hindu’s are still hostile towards them?!

I’ve been in arguments with people before, about how the communal problems in India would easily solved by (redefining our constitution) making India a Hindu country! I don’t get that logic! I just think that doing that is taking a step backwards!
By giving up secularism, we are also giving up everything in our culture that is non-Hindu. The Taj Mahal, anything remotely Mughal, sufi music, AR Rehman, Adnan Sami, SHAHRUKH! I don’t get it!
Maybe there is something to this I am missing...

A method in our madness!

2004-12-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

I saw the stupidest movie today! Can’t say I expected it to be an Oscar winning movie or anything…I mean, what do you expect from David Dhavan and Govinda?! But for some reason, I just had to watch it!

The movie’s storyline is SO brainless!
Sanjay wants a divorce from Anjalee. But the court wont give either of them a divorce until one has proof that the other is cheating. (?! Don’t ask!) Now, Anjalee decides to tell her husband that she is going on a trip to Europe. But instead of going there herself, she send her friend, so she can catch Sanjay red handed while he thinks she is away. By some strange coincidence, this friend has the SAME name, and the SAME surname!!! THIS Anjalee Sharma being Rani Mukherjee. On the other hand, Sanjay thinks that his wife is cheating on him with someone in Europe, so sends HIS friend, Raj (Govinda) on the same trip! Now during this “trip” Govinda spies on a girl, thinking she is Sanjay’s wife, and meanwhile, falls in love with Rani-Anjalee! Now, WHY Govinda never bothers to ask the name of the woman he is falling in love with…is BEYOND me!!! But yea…
ANYWAY…the woman Raj is mistakenly spying on turns out to be a drug smuggler! And all the Indians in the trip get arrested because this girl presents them drugs before making a get away (Except Raj, because he is conveniently not there at the time!). So he finds out Rani’s real name only when it is read out from her passport! Now he is upset because he is in love with a married woman, and she is upset because she is love with a man who is annoyed with her for no reason…
But in the end they both get married and live happily ever after!
Yikes…

It must seem incomprehensible HOW I managed to sit through this movie…twice. But I’m not the only one! Most people who are into Hindi movies have seen this movie – hated it, but seen it – or movies like it. So, apparently brainlessness sells! Look at Main Hoon Na. As much of a Shahrukh fan that I am, the story of this movie was ridiculous!! But it was a HUGE success! Such a feel-good movie! Maybe it is this kind of storyline – stupid and hilarious – that the public enjoyed. Maybe it was the appearance of a superstar on screen. Whatever it was, it sold!
Personally, I would never admit to having enjoyed “Had Kardi Aap Ne”, but there are some moods that only a mad-brainless-Govinda-comedy can pull you out off! Let’s face it! Bollywood wouldn’t be Bollywood without its brainlessness!

That's so true!

2004-12-11T01:20:00.000-08:00

I should probably take my own advice more often...but this time, it's just because sometimes, life is frustrating to a point of hilarity.

1. When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket.
2. When ones hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch.
3. Your insurance covers everything, except what has happened.
4. When things seem to go well, you've probably forgotten to do something.
5. When you want a book out of a bag...the one you want is always the last one you pick up.
6. You will run to answer the phone just as the party hangs up on you.
7. If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time.
8. The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of Pi.
9. Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one’s hairdo.
10. After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later.

Don’t sweat the small stuff!! Don’t take life too seriously, because in the end, you won’t come out alive anyway.

Vasanthahabba

2004-12-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

It was one of the most exhilarating experiences of my life! I can’t really even figure out myself what it really was that left a mark in my mind. When people hear about the life I lead during rehearsals, they think “She did that by choice?! She must be out of her mind!” During the last few weeks before the big day, we would go to Nrityagram everyday! Even on days when I had school, I’d leave school about an hour early, and reach home that night past midnight. I still didn’t skip a day of school – why bother since I slept through physics anyways?! – And I, oddly enough, enjoyed every moment of it.

The show itself was just amazing! I was around the best performers in India. There is no other way to put it. I was on stage for the inauguration, and one look at the audience - It was just unbelievable. While practicing at the amphitheatre, I didn’t think that 600 people would manage to sit in a space that small! But there they all were! I couldn’t find my friends of mom in the crowd; I could only see lights and heard so many people shouting! I was looking at only those who managed to get in! I’m not even counting the people watching on the screens outside!

We did the opening item, choreographed by Surupa di, and Rati and I spent the rest of evening watching India’s best classical and contemporary dancers. There was even a male Odissi ensemble. Now, Odissi – for those of you who don’t know – is a very feminine dance form. It was really weird to hear of a male Odissi group. But they were amazing! They brought a completely different style to it!
In spite of the standards, there were some MAJOR washouts, Astad Deboo for example. The guy did three (THREE!) 25-minute pieces! We got really bored!!
The show went on till 4am the next morning! Music and dance the whole night long! It was incredible.

Anyways, to cut a long story short (a bit late for that…but anyhow) it was an amazing experience! And this year, I have been asked to be a part of it again! It is just so amazing that I would be picked out of a group to be a part of HABBA!! But (yes, there is a but to all of this!) rehearsals will be really tough, and they are during the time of my second prelims and practical finals! I still want try and push myself to do it, but I don’t know how it is going to work! I wish I could be at two places at once…

Trust

2004-12-03T06:50:00.000-08:00

It is such an easy thing to lose. Its like crystal; so easy to break, but so hard to put back together once broken. Though it’s hard not to trust. Its easier – and more natural – to believe someone when they say, “You can trust me!” I wish it were as easy to mark out a line beyond which not everyone can take liberties with you. It just makes me more and more sure that relationships – of any kind – do nothing but complicate matters. I guess I just find it annoying when those around me don’t have the same standards as I do. And I find it even more annoying when they think they are helping. This probably sounds very vague to those reading it.
It’s like this...
I don’t define a rapport with anyone for a LONG time. And I don’t like people who use phrases like “best friend” or “love” like they mean the same as “dog”, and then having used these phrases, break the trust that goes with it. I don’t do it, so I don’t understand people who do.

Contrary to my previous posts, this one doesn’t have a very concrete point. It’s this...
Trust is a very hard thing to gain. So if and when you do gain it...don’t break it.

CBSE Grammar (Or the lack of it)

2004-12-01T05:32:00.000-08:00

Check this out…
How many types of soil there are. *Full stop* Name them? *Question mark*
What on earth?! I have half a mind to answer like this:
Q: Name them?
A: No.
I’m sure that bad grammar in CBSE textbooks is no new thing to anyone. It is just so distracting! But lately, I’ve noticed that grammar isn’t the only thing messed up in those books.

I study Geography out of a set of two books. One of questions, and the other of answers. What I would like to know is…did the people who wrote the answers EVER look at the questions they were answering?!

Give four examples of human-made resources
The skill or technique of crops utilization of resources planning is important for the skillfully use of resources, because without planning, there well be a mass wastage

What is resource planning?
Soil erosion is caused by deforestation, heavy and torrential rains, over grazing and winds etc….

How is soil formed?
Soil erosion, deforestation, land fills, mining and over exploitation of ground water resources.

That is REALLY the way it is!! Spelling mistakes, bad grammar and ALL!!

It is really sad that with our economy boom and everything, we are still incapable of writing articulate English! I am not suggesting that the way we speak in India has to change, I’m not in any way trying to be elitist…but if we can’t publish textbooks in proper English…I don’t know what to say.

I wish people would stop trying to speak in languages they can’t handle. I learn French…but I’m not writing French literature now am I?

Soul searching

2004-11-30T02:51:00.000-08:00

All this talk on atheism kind of got me thinking. I’ve kind of always taken the idea of God for granted. Though I am sure that I believe in there being one, I’m not quite sure why. I’ve grown up, knowing that God exists. Never having found a reason to question his/her/its existence, I never have.

Lately though, I have come across not one, but two or three people who either don’t think God exists, or think that God is unnecessary. I dismissed their opinions at first, but I must admit, they did get me to think. Not about whether or not God exists – that is just too debatable (viewers of this blog know that all too well) – but about my reasons for believing.
Have I believed in God till now because I have never thought otherwise? Would I find it hard to give up my belief in God simply because I wouldn’t be able to get used to it? Now, this is very strange for me, but I did quite a bit of soul searching on this one. I’m not one to ask myself such questions! But I think I’ve decided.

I need the faith I have. It’s not the rituals. It’s the belief that (I think) we all need. Temples and idols just give the idea a name. Before a competition, or a performance, or anything big in my life, that minute I spend in front of the Jaganath helps me clear my mind. The few seconds I spend before I go to sleep asking for all the people I care about to be blessed…it doesn’t even do anything! It just makes me feel like, there is someone listening to me, and not judging me.

I’m still not completely sure. Maybe I need the assurance because I’m weak-willed. Maybe it is just because I started off this way. Or maybe it is because I feel protected by my belief. Whatever it is, I am sure that I (speaking for myself) know that there is some being out there that hears me when I don’t want anyone else to. Whatever you atheists say…

If God didn’t exist, it would be necessary to create Him.

Flowers, clues and Mia!

2004-11-21T07:08:00.002-08:00

Oh my god…I have the best friends in the WORLD! They put in SO much effort for my birthday! I feel so…special I guess! Even though it’s just once in a year, it is so nice to feel so important!

Sucheta came over yesterday with the sixth ‘Mia Thermopolis’, a top from ‘Chai’…and this HUGE bunch of flowers! I mean…it was HUGE!!! When all the flowers were taken out, its contents filled up FOUR vases! That’s a lot of flowers! There were chrysanthemums, and carnations, and orchids, and birds of Paradaise and these other really pretty ones I couldn’t even recognise!

Rati actually put me on a treasure hunt! There were basically three clues that ended up leading me to the bus stop tomorrow morning! It must have taken her AGES to write the whole last clue in mirror image! It is so sweet…I can’t believe she took all that trouble!

Hey you guys, if you are reading this…thanks! At the risk of sounding sappy – you guys are the best!

Horrors...but really children at heart!

2004-11-20T23:15:00.000-08:00

Today was the children’s day assembly at school…it was so hilarious – to watch the very people we are most apprehensive off, dress up in skirts and pigtails and little golden cardboard crowns! All my laughing put aside, I actually found it quite cute…the way they practiced for a week to put up that show for us. We have a big bunch of kids for teachers!

The assembly started off with Ms. Renita and Ms. Lorna singing a song. “You’ve got a friend”…they could BARELY remember the words…but they had tried singing in harmony – that Ms. Kavita (on the piano) had obviously tried to teach them. It turned out sounding quite nice…and we all screamed at the top of our lungs by the end of it!

There were two dances. One led by Ms. Varsha (who by the way was dancing like she was going to be on TV or something) – to Devdas’ ‘Dola Re’! It was really entertaining to watch the two Malyali computer science teachers dance in Bengali saris!! The other dance…was a dandiya – with the teachers in guy-girl pairs. This would ordinarily be fine, except that it was danced to the Ketchup Song!! Oh god…we were DYING by the end of it!! Of course, Ms. Caroline was a part of it, and she made it all the more fun to watch!

The funniest bit of the assembly, however, was the two little skits.
In one, all the teachers were pretending to be either blushing brides (Ms. Beulah!!!), or crying mothers (Ms. Meera…can you believe it?!) , or selfish wives who only wanted saris from their husbands (Ms. Vineetha! HA!). We – standing at the end of the first floor balcony – couldn’t stop laughing!! It was absolutely hilarious!
The other was the NAFL faculty’s very own version of Cinderella (with Ms. Malashri as the star mind you…)! I don’t think that I will ever forget Ms. Malashri, in her black skirt and pigtails, shouting, “Where’s my soufflé?!”

All in all, the day was a success, there were roses everywhere, and we actually managed to get one or two classes off because it was ‘Children’s Day!’ The teachers might have made jokes of themselves for one day, but we laughed with them all the same. I guess the next time one of them gives us a hard time, we’ll picture them in pigtails, or crying into their pallus!

Nrityagram...

2004-11-14T23:49:00.000-08:00

From the moment I enter those gates…I feel part of a different world. It is a place so calm, so serene, that I forget everything else that's on my mind while I am there. This Sunday I went there after almost 7 months. I didn't realise how much I missed being there. But the sound of peace with the distant Pakhwaj beat brought it all back to me.
I joined Nrityagram in August 2003. The style of Odissi I had learnt before that was different from the one we are taught at Nrityagram. I am taught by the senior resident students. The first time I saw them perform, I was thinking...this is how Sucheta must feel looking at Van Gogh!

Dance to them isn’t just a string of movements put together…it is their life. They live, breathe, and dream dance. Their lives are completely devoted to dance. They are so different from the people I am used to being around! Take their sense of humor…while having lunch, our Pakhwaj player (who is by the way the most adorably enthusiastic guy I have ever come across) is the one who makes everyone laugh. And the day I was there…this is what everyone was going hysterical about: Budha was reciting an Odissi bol…and swinging a string of grapes in perfect rhythm! Just as the bol finished, he dropped the grape into the bowl…again exactly on beat! This doesn’t ordinarily seem at all funny (I for one was marveling at how he managed to move that grape on time)! But everyone thought it was the funniest thing they had ever seen. Their enthusiasm was really quite endearing (and infectious).

Generally when I go to Nrityagram…it is Surupa Sen who takes our class. Ordinarily, she is a very reserved person. She lives alone, with her horrifyingly ferocious great dane, Rakha. She is a great teacher, and there is no doubting her talent or capabilities. This Sunday however, for the first time, Bijoyini Sathpathy took our class. I don’t think that in all my 15 years, I have admired anyone more. Bijoyini di is, in addition to being incredibly talented, a wonderful person to be around. She recognises a piece of music by hearing 5 seconds of it! And when she dances, it is like a sculpture has come alive. Graceful movements that she perfectly brings together with strong footwork and feeling that makes her look like she dances for someone way above the likes of you and me in her audience. It is an absolute treat for us to watch both Surupa di and Bijoyini di practice (let alone perform).

I take my exam on the 21st. I somehow feel so insignificant. I have taken classical exams before (in music) and I have been examined in dance by my own teachers. But this time is somehow different. I (modesty put aside) have so far been used to being prepared for what I’ve gotten into, and generally being adequately good at it. This exam scares me though. I am afraid that I will let down way too many people by doing this one badly. And hearing about how strict the examiners are hasn’t helped one bit! I know that I will never be a Bijoyini Sathpathy. I have neither the talent nor the time to put in as much into my dance as she does. She and Surupa di, however, will always have a great amount of respect and admiration from me, and I hope that one day, I will be able to live up to their expectations.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!!

Fine logic!

2004-11-13T22:31:00.000-08:00

Ok…so we lost another match. Honestly, what were we expecting to happen?! It was quite a depressing loss though. We were doing so well! A final score of 292 is not bad at all! Especially at Eden garden! After the toss, Krishnamachari Srikkanth said that having won this toss, India had already 50% won the match, and that unless we played really badly, there wasn’t much possibility of us losing this game. Now, no offense to the former Indian captain…but dude! We lost! And not because we played badly…the Pakistanis just played incredibly well!

Our problem is, that when our batsmen perform well, our bowlers mess up…or vice-versa. Hey, I’m no cricket analyst or anything…but with 3 overs left, and with a situation where saving runs was REALLY important, why on EARTH did Ganguly send in Yuvraj to bowl?! That sixer during his over practically won the game for Pakistan (not to mention the 2 extras Nehra gave away!).

As far as I can see, nothing is going to improve till the whole problem between Ganguly and the BCCI chairman is resolved. They really have it in for him don’t they?! I mean…fining the guy for slow over rate?! Cricket is becoming too much politics and too little play! In that match between India and Australia where the refs just arbitrarily cut like 15 overs, and Brett Lee (Brett LEE!!!) hit a sixer and won the match with a ball to spare…did the ICC make a fuss? They had ONE wicket in hand, and they needed like 50 something runs to win! We would have ‘all-outed’ them!!!! Argh… But at that time…did the BCCI make a fuss?! NOOOOOO! But now…they suspend a perfectly good captain for slow over rate!

Seriously, leave the poor guy alone! He is doing his job and he’s doing it well! And he is probably right about that guy not knowing about cricket…so get off his back! We can crib all we want! They became sports idols knowing they will be under the critical eye of the public 24/7…but let’s not overdo things here!
Suspending a guy for slow over rate…
Sheesh

10th grade saga…story of our lives!

2004-11-06T19:53:00.000-08:00

10th grade stinks!! And if you don’t agree with me…you are either deranged…you enjoy being nagged by six teachers all day at school (in which case I STRONGLY suggest medication!!)…or you simply haven’t been here yet! lol

Our teachers plan their work for us, keeping in mind that theirs is the only subject we study…and that we have all the time after school to study THEIR subject!! And of COURSE they think that! Why wouldn’t they?? After all…what life do we lead outside of school?? Honestly! What did you think?! To make it all worse…they do it all with an extremely unsympathetic it’s-for-your-own-good-and-if-we-got-through-it-then-so-can-you attitude!! Argh…

I thought things would get better after 10th grade…but, from what I’ve heard, apparently not…Any thoughts anyone?

Relationships...

2004-11-05T23:50:00.000-08:00

Why would anyone in their right mind get into a relationship in the first place?! I don’t just mean the whole bf/gf thing…just any kind of relationship! Friends in particular. Have you ever noticed that whenever your rapport gets defined with someone…you begin to lose it?? (The rapport…not your mind…though that doesn’t seem too far from the truth either)

I thought I had become immune to being let down. I just decided never to say anyone was my best friend ever again! That’s it! I don’t have one! Now THAT didn’t work…

It turns out…I’m not immune. I’m trying a new approach; Don’t ever get close to ANYone! Hmmm…let’s see how long THAT one lasts…

*RAY OF HOPE* But then again…there are always those one or two people who you always end up being around. Maybe by coincidence…maybe by luck…fate (ok…I’m pushing it!)…Who knows?! But hey…thanks for being there…you know who you are. (Or maybe you don’t…but the point is…I do!)

Singapore...

2004-11-05T23:09:00.000-08:00

I want to go back to Singapore!! I spent a wonderful eleven days there…and now I want to go back! I just love that country. I don’t know why…ok that’s a lie. I know exactly why! It’s because I am PAMPERED there!!! Whenever we stay with the Mulanis…I never stop having fun! I don’t know WHY they love us so the way they do…but they do…and the feeling is mutual!

Gunnu…I had a blast spending time with you! We really got to know each other this time and I couldn’t have been happier!! And no…not yet!
Parita…thanks for taking me shopping! I am sure that was the first time I walked INTO a shop at 10:00pm and took the bus home past 10:30! I could SEE my mom dying at home!!!
Giresh…thanks for introducing Tushar to heelys!! (I’m not too sure I meant that…he has been Heely-ing EVERYwhere!! Which includes the Oberoi lounge!! He is beginning to get embarrassing!) But he probably would have fallen over 10 times as much as he does if you hadn’t taught him how to Heely in the first place!
Aunty Rajni…thanks for…EVERYTHING! For the mee…the gado gado! And just for making me feel so welcome at your home! I know one thing for sure…I am NEVER shopping at John Little again!!! Ahem…
Uncle Manu…Loved seeing what little we did see of you!! Thanks for knowing that we were whacking on your drums…and STILL being so cool about it!
PS: Hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Travelling by MRT!! I want to travel by MRT again!! And I want to spend an entire evening at Cinne Leisure…and Takashimaya!! I want to do it all over again! Well…if everything goes well…I’ll be back in April…muhahaha!

Hi!

2004-11-01T03:00:00.000-08:00

Wow...this is alot better than livejournal.com!
Don't know how often I am actually going to end up posting up here...but hey! give it a shot huh??